This week: “I am a relatively new mum trying to navigate the ups and downs of motherhood during a global pandemic, while also trying to learn a new job after being made redundant at the end of January. Being made redundant is difficult at the best of times but throw in a pandemic and a 1-year-old and I will admit I was STRESSED. However, I was very lucky to secure a new job (albeit full-time) before my final day at the charity I used to work for, and I have now been in the post for a month.
I am enjoying the new job role as it’s working for my local authority and it is a new challenge which I’m hoping will give me career progression as I have felt a little stuck lately. I am really missing spending time with my 16-month-old son though as my original plan was to work part-time. He is such a hilarious and headstrong boy and being a mum has absolutely made me. We live in a two-bedroom council flat in a small town and know we are very lucky to have this flat as housing is sparse! My boyfriend and I earn around the same so split things down the middle usually but when you’ve been together 10 years things do get a little blended. I hope my diary can resonate with the other twentysomethings who don’t have a lot of spare money or who don’t have their life together. I am all of those things and I am absolutely winging it but somehow, I’m making it work. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to save money and buy a house or invest but for now I’m living month to month and trying to enjoy what I have.”
Industry: Administration
Age: 27
Location: Northeast Scotland
Salary: £21,339
Paycheque amount: Exact figure unknown as I am yet to receive a full month’s pay but I earned similar at my previous role so can guesstimate £1,450.
Number of housemates: Three: boyfriend S, toddler A, and needy cat R.
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £291.20 split with S.
Loan payments: I have a loan for our TV as our last one broke. It’s £17p/m which S gives me half for. I also pay back £55 towards a loan I took out a few years ago when I was really struggling financially.
Utilities: £123 council tax, £9 home insurance. We have a pre-pay gas and electric meter so over winter I’ve been spending about £120 a month on this but it will reduce significantly now that better weather is coming. £47.99 BT which covers BT TV including sport and internet, £13.37 TV licence, £8.99 Netflix and Spotify Duo for £12.99. This is all split with S but I additionally have £7.99 Amazon Prime, £11.99 Now TV Movies and £9.99 Now TV Entertainment pass. S pays for our membership to Disney+ which I think is £5.99.
Transportation: We have a car on finance that we pay £235 for and have car insurance at £25 and £18 road tax. On top of this we are spending about £40 a month on fuel as we aren’t using the car as much due to COVID.
Phone bill: £49
Savings? I actually have £2,500 in my savings account and this is the remainder of my redundancy payment I was given in February. I have never had savings before in my life so it feels very strange to have an emergency fund to fall back on. I am a self-confessed spender and I am trying my utmost not to spend it but I really want to make some improvements to our flat. We’ve lived here for almost two years, almost all of our furniture is mismatched and secondhand (and not in the mid-century, boho chic kind of way) and we don’t have flooring in our bathroom.
Other: We have another big expense which is CHILDCARE. No one prepared me for the cost of nursery and it makes me ill when I transfer over £740 every month. The childcare bill was lower when I was working part-time but I needed to work and decided it was better to have the childcare cost and be working full-time than not be working at all. The only other big expense we have is food shopping. I try my best to shop around but I am a bit of a brand snob when it comes to certain things (Lurpak butter, am I right?) and I do end up spending a small fortune in Asda.
6.30am: I have a toddler bouncing on my head. Which is as fun as it sounds. We’ve had a rough few nights of sleep as I think he may be teething and he’s slept in our bed every night this week. I pry one eye open and give him my phone with kids’ YouTube on to try and keep him quiet so I can catch another 30 minutes.
7.30am: We are up and I am chasing A around the house as he pushes his shopping trolley. God I love him. I make a mental note that I need to write a shopping list to pick up a few things after work as we have no milk, cheese or cat food.
8.45am: After dropping A off at granny’s house it’s straight onto my laptop to begin work. My mum is an angel and when I was pregnant offered to have A one day a week as childcare to save me some money. It’s a huge help. I think she’s done it for entirely selfish reasons however as she and my stepdad absolutely dote on their first grandbaby and spoil him rotten. I sit at my desk and open Outlook to begin reading emails. The lady who was in my role previously is on annual leave this week which would be fine if I wasn’t also just back to work this week after having COVID-19. I am very underprepared and basically winging my way through everything and hoping it’s right! I have a few emails from a colleague that need my attention so make a start.
11.15am: A push notification from the McDonald’s app pings on my phone to tell me triple cheeseburgers are 99p. Sounds delicious but I really want to behave today.
1pm: Stop to give R his lunch as he’s a fat pie and has been hounding me for it since he got his breakfast at 7am. I have a slight headache so going to take some paracetamol and fly through the rest of my work so I can finish for the day – the joys of flexi-time!
4.30pm: Finish work for the weekend and decide to have a quick tidy around the house. The more I looked at it today, the worse it got and I will feel better for doing it even if all toys in the living room will be pulled out again once A is home. Get in the car to drive to Asda and pick up lasagne, garlic bread, potato wedges, milk, cheese, yoghurts and some other items. £24.67. I have to go to B&M as well because Asda doesn’t have the cat food that R eats, fussy devil. £10.49
6pm: Collect A from my mum’s and he is so happy to see me. This makes my heart melt as I have missed him. We drive home and I ask him lots of questions that he definitely can’t answer but he babbles at me anyway.
7.26pm: A is in bed and drifting off so I’m going to throw the lasagne in the oven and have a quick shower before enjoying my evening with S.
11.28pm: I got lost watching Superstore on Netflix and browsing Ikea for bedroom furniture. Oops. I will fully regret the late night in the morning but here we are. I do have some items saved in my basket though and I head to bed yawning my head off. I’m asleep before I hit the pillow.
Total: £35.16
3.34am: I wake up to the sound of the baby monitor as A is crying. Bring him through to our bed and hope for some more sleep.
8.05am: Reawaken to S leaving for work and A is just waking too. It’s Saturday so there’s no mad dash to work or nursery for us today. Toast and CBeebies it is.
10.36am: Bribe A with kids’ YouTube on my phone while I change his bum and get him dressed. If you’ve ever tried to dress a toddler, you’ll understand why the distraction is necessary. We’re going to spend the morning in our garden, so I am obviously a pack mule of toys and snacks.
2pm: Late lunch of leftover pasta with A and we load up the car to visit a friend we met at a baby class. She has a daughter the same age as A and we have continued to meet during lockdown for our mental health. We have both suffered from postnatal depression and I have found her to be an invaluable support during the last 16 months of being a mum. We sit in the garden, drink tea and have a million half conversations while we try and contain two energetic toddlers but it’s the best afternoon I’ve had in ages.
6.30pm: On the drive home I’m trying to keep A awake by singing and blasting music in the car. Something tells me he doesn’t appreciate my rendition of “Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks and I am thoroughly offended by this.
8pm: A is crashed out in bed after a fun afternoon playing and S and I can’t be bothered cooking. Chinese takeaway and catching up with RuPaul’s Drag Race it is. S has crispy shredded beef with fried rice and I go for chips, fried rice and curry sauce. £22.90 including delivery.
10.52pm: Final check of A in his room and then S and I head to bed. I’m exhausted and fall asleep almost instantly.
Total: £22.90
3.12am: A is awake and it’s through to our bed again.
7.02am: Argh this is earlier than I had hoped but let’s face it, I have a child. I don’t ever get a lie-in. Through to the living room for CBeebies and breakfast. S doesn’t start work until 10 but stays in bed before he goes for a shower.
9.23am: Begin the wonderful process of getting A changed and dressed… I ask him to come over to get his bum done and clothes on and he responds by picking up my phone, bringing it to me and lying down. Oh, he’s clever…and full of it.
10.30am: We nip into Tesco before I drop A off at my sister’s house. They have been begging to see him so I offer to do a doorstep drop-off so they can play with him in their garden for a few hours. This is a win for me as it means I can do housework but that doesn’t stop my mum guilt from telling me I haven’t spent enough time with him since I’m now working full-time. My heart aches and I decide I’ll look for a treat for him this afternoon. Fruit, bread, cereal, cat litter, a cute dungaree short outfit for A, cotton buds and ham. £38.24, yikes.
11.10am: A is dropped off and I head to Home Bargains in the car to see if the buggy I had seen is still there. It is and I decide to buy it as I’ve been complaining for ages I need one. £39.99
12.30pm: On the way home I head into our local corner shop to pick up something from their hot counter for lunch. I get myself a sausage roll, fudge doughnut, bottle of Irn-Bru and realise I haven’t met the £5 minimum card payment threshold so ask for another doughnut. My card gets declined. Twice. As I feel the panic and I’m internally freaking out I use the joint account card to pay and it goes through. It seems I forgot I’m a week from payday and not made of money. £6.80
5pm: Doorstep pick-up complete, we drive home in the sunshine and A is happily chatting away in the back of the car. He looks exhausted, which is a good sign of a great day!
7.34pm: The bedtime routine has been a bit of an ordeal this evening so S makes tea while I try to get A to sleep.
8.06pm: Admitted defeat and A is now running around the living room like butter wouldn’t melt. The Clangers has been put on BBC iPlayer in the hope he settles but he is far more interested in eating fish and chips off my plate. As someone who doesn’t like sharing her food, I am not amused. Said with love and jest of course.
8.36pm: Allllllll the regrets as he is now dancing to the theme songs of his favourite cartoons and I still have a million things to do to prepare for work and nursery again tomorrow.
9.31pm: I finally manage to get A to sleep and even though I have a washing mountain to tackle, I am exhausted and I too go to bed.
Total: £85.03
6.55am: I am awoken by A trying to cosy in so close to me he is actually on top of me. S must have brought him through to our bed at some point last night but I must have slept through it. I laze in bed with S and A for a little while as it’s full-on as soon as I get up because we all need to get organised and out the door for nursery and work.
7.20am: I get up with A and it’s through to the living room to put on CBeebies. A follows me around as I go into the kitchen to feed R and then through to A’s room to open the blinds, make his bed and grab his clothes for the day and nursery bag. A mum hack I’ve picked up is that I lay out A’s clothes for the whole week so that I just need to lift the outfit from the pile. It maybe saves 30 seconds a day but I’m calling that a win.
7.33am: Breakfast today for A is toast, watermelon, raspberries and a handful of dry Cheerios. Breakfast for me is a bowl of Frosties.
8.29am: Nursery drop-off done and I am home again to log on for the day. I am definitely enjoying WFH but there are downsides to starting a new role this way. I have a few emails this morning but no meetings so I settle into work.
2pm: Realise I haven’t eaten and wolf down some rice cakes and feed R his lunch as he looks like he might die of starvation at any moment.
3.55pm: Stressed out my box with work – trying to do something I’ve had no training on but been asked to follow a written procedure for is easier said than done. I need to get this finished today but I also have to collect A at 5pm (who will be tired and clingy) and still cook tea and tidy up around the house.
5.02pm: Decided to finish at 4.15 as I am feeling very stressy. Will go back to it tonight if bedtime is easy. I’m feeling more accomplished on the home front as my washing mountain is folded and I’ve prepped tea, it just needs cooking.
6.12pm: Oh boy. A is being a stage five clinger and it has been a struggle since we got home. Constant screaming and won’t let me move or put him down. It’s a miracle I got tea cooked but it was absolutely abandoned after dishing up A’s portion. We’re sitting on the sofa and A has my phone as it’s the only thing consoling him. I feel guilty for giving in and giving it to him but relieved at the quiet it brings. It’s moments like these where I really struggle and worry that I’m not doing a good enough job at juggling everything. I can’t even make pasta and smoked sausage and handle my toddler. A is clearly being clingy because he misses me but I’m really enjoying working full-time. More than I’m admitting to anyone. I’m feeling all the feelings.
6.30pm: S arrives home and A perks up and starts talking animatedly and excitedly showing him his toys. He even begins to eat his tea which was completely ignored earlier. I’d like to be annoyed but I’m just glad he’s cheered up and is eating something. S and I have a catch-up on our days and potter around with A until bedtime.
8pm: A has been in bed for a while and I’m putting away my clean washing from earlier. S joins me so we can fill out the COVID-19 claim form where he will get the £500 grant for missing work. It’s a long process which is made worse when the website crashes and we are put back to the beginning. S gets frustrated and vows we have to do it tomorrow.
10.23pm: I should be in bed but first I’m having some Nutella on toast which S made for me. He’s a good egg. Head to bed after and fall asleep quickly.
Total: £0
5am: A is grumbling and making noise so I go through and put his dummy back in and give him his comforter.
6.45am: A is now in our bed as I can feel him lying directly on top of me. Can you see a theme here? When A was smaller I was really firm about him not being in our bed but A has never slept through the night and there have been periods of time where I was awake for two to four hours every night and I decided that with working full-time as well, I needed as much sleep as I could possibly get. Hence why now we just bring him into our bed.
7.15am: Up, CBeebies, breakfast. Today for A it’s a crepe, mango and raspberries. I’m not hungry yet so will eat soon.
8.05am: I get an earlier start at work as S is off work today and he’s on the nursery run. I have quite a few emails in my inbox and the person who was in my role previously is back from annual leave today. I anxiously type an email to her to explain why I haven’t managed to do everything and hope she’s not angry. In my rational brain I know she can’t be as I’ve only really been working for three weeks and had one or two training sessions, but I still worry.
12.45pm: Feeling much better after a quick meeting with my colleague and decide to stop for lunch. I’m having leftover pasta and smoked sausage and S has been to the corner shop and picked me up a pastry. Yum!
4.45pm: I finish work a little early as I still have flexi hours to use but I don’t log off my laptop. I instead spend the next 45 minutes filling up an H&M basket full of spring/summer clothes for A. The struggle is real but I give myself a bit of a talking-to as it was only two days ago that my card got declined. Only eight days until payday.
7.25pm: A is asleep in bed after being a grump from the minute S brought him home. Nursery said he didn’t really sleep today so that will explain the mood. I have no shame in saying that he was behaving like an asshole. I love him to death though. Now I wish he wasn’t asleep and I sit and look at pictures of him on my phone because yes, I am that sad mum.
8pm: My sister messages to tell me we forgot it was our grandad’s birthday today. Shit. We don’t really see or speak to him but we still try to send the obligatory gifts and cards. A rushed Moonpig order with priority delivery: a card, grow your own bonsai tree and biscuit tin. £16.63 for my half, which I take from our joint account. I transfer myself £40 to keep me going for the next week.
10.40pm: S went to bed an hour ago and instead of going with him, I continued to laze on the sofa and watch TV. I’m feeling knackered though so I head off to bed too.
11.27pm: A is crying and so it’s into our bed again.
Total: £16.63
3am: Wake up sweating because A is asleep, lying on top of me. Gently move him back to the middle of the bed where he stays for all of 10 seconds before finding me and squishing his head to my face and falls back asleep.
6am: Wake again by being kicked in the side. This is the downside to bed-sharing. Thankfully I drift back off to sleep.
6.55am: We are awake! Living room and CBeebies for the normal breakfast routine. Being a parent is very repetitive. Raspberries, blueberries and yoghurt for A and cereal for me this morning as I am feeling particularly hungry.
8.15am: I pick up A as we are about to leave for nursery, and he smells rotten. There is one hell of a poop in that nappy and I am the worst parent ever and send him to nursery and tell them he did it in the car. I’d like to say I feel guilty but we were running late and I didn’t want to wrestle him to get him changed. Bad mum.
11.12am: I am just out of a morning meeting and I suddenly remember that I was going to be buying a treat for A since I hadn’t seen much of him last weekend. I go online and order some wooden screws and bolts as he has a fascination with trying to put lids on things and make the twisting motion. Use money I pulled from the joint account last night. £12.99 including shipping.
4.20pm: Finish work for the day as I’ve worked my seven hours, 15 minutes and begin the mad rush around to get tea prepped and house tidied before picking up A. It’s homemade sausage rolls for tea tonight so I get those made and then clean the kitchen.
5.04pm: Sausage rolls out the oven and I leave them on the counter to cool. I rush out the door to get A as we need to nip to Tesco to get milk as there is none for his bedtime bottle.
5.15pm: A is very chipper as we fly around Tesco. People will definitely be thinking I’ve gone mad because I am talking and making faces at A to get him to smile. We get milk, cheese, butter and mash. £10.50
6.05pm: Sausage rolls are a huge hit and A is definitely wearing most of his but he’s eaten his tea with no arguments so that’s a mum win!
7.20pm: Another night of disastrous bedtime routine and A is howling in his bed. I go back through and spend the next 30 minutes cosied into him to get him to sleep.
9.07pm: It’s just dawned on me that I haven’t showered in days. Oh god, I feel gross for even admitting that to the world but I’m hoping there are other working mums in the same boat. As my go-to is a mum bun or a ponytail to deter grabby hands I haven’t noticed how it feels. I’m way too tired to shower now so will do it tomorrow after the nursery run as I still have hours to use up.
Total: £23.49
5.30am: Oh why is it that the best made plans are usually the ones that fall apart? I have seen every hour on the clock as A seems to have developed a bit of a cold. Combine that with him already teething and we have one snotty and sad boy on our hands. I get up with A and we head to the living room to let S have more sleep. The Teletubbies followed by The Clangers. At some point, we both drift off cosied in on the sofa.
7am: I wake myself up from snoring. I check A is still cosied in safe and close my eyes again.
8.45am: S wakes me to let me know he’s heading to work and to remind me to call nursery. I’m exhausted so mumble some concoction of goodbye and close my eyes again but only for a matter of seconds because A wakes upset. Poor toot.
9.30am: We’ve had breakfast and A has perked up and is now running around trashing my kitchen cupboards. I’ve thankfully managed to arrange for my mum to take him this afternoon so I can get some work done. I wouldn’t have usually bothered and I’d have taken the full day off but I’m too new in this role and I really want to make the right impression. I think part of the issue as well is that this role is only a temporary contract for a year. There’s almost no way they’d let me go as the role I’ve taken on is huge but my anxiety tells me they will if I don’t perform.
11.45am: Early lunch and I have a ham sandwich and a yoghurt. A is tucking into a Dairylea sandwich and some Skips. He had fruit at breakfast for any mum shamers out there!
1.12pm: Log onto my laptop and I have eight emails waiting. That doesn’t sound like much but they’re not simple two-second replies so I get my work brain going and get started.
4pm: Just had a phone call with my line manager. She has arranged some in-office training days for me next week and I am thrilled! This will be so much easier than trying to learn everything remotely and it will give me the opportunity to ask lots of questions. A celebratory glass of Irn-Bru is poured!
5.17pm: I’ve logged off, tidied round the living room and fed R his tea, which means it’s time to go and collect A from my mum’s.
6pm: I load A into the car and decide that we will go and pick up S from work. He walks every day to allow me to have the car for doing nursery runs so I like to offer to pick him up whenever the opportunity presents.
6.20pm: After waiting outside his work to surprise him and driving his route home in case I missed him, we are back home and S isn’t. He calls to say that he got finished later and I apologise as I must have just missed him. I get A in the house and we potter around.
6.30pm: S comes home and A runs through to greet him, shouting and smiling. S is very happy to see us both and we spend some time chatting and catching up on our days while A toddles around.
7.45pm: S and I are tucking into our tea which is a freezer special of chicken kievs and chips. We decide to put the UFC on as we have two events recorded that need watching.
9.30pm: A is awake and upset so we all head to our bed to try and settle him back down and prepare for another unsettled night.
Total: £0
Food/Drink: £103.11
Entertainment: £0
Clothes/Beauty: £0
Travel: £0
Other: £80.10
Total: £183.21
Conclusion
“At the time I felt like I was spending a lot of money but looking at it in total, it doesn’t seem as bad as I had made it out in my mind. However, the spend is slightly high due to the purchase of A’s buggy. Food is the thing we as a family will spend the most money on as there are technically four of us and I am WFH so at home all day so I don’t feel too bad about the amount this week as it’s probably pretty average for us. I live month to month and always find myself running out of money but one thing I have learned is that I need to learn to budget. I think if I set myself a weekly allowance it may help me not to spend so unnecessarily and hopefully it will allow me to save for our future. I really hope that when reading this, others can relate to the monotony of parenting and working full-time. It’s a huge balancing act that I certainly haven’t mastered yet, as proven by my erratic mealtimes and lack of real quality time with S. I wanted to keep this as real as possible and I hope that we can have comfort in solidarity! Overall, I really enjoyed this experience and I encourage others to apply.”
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