“You THINK you like them but then you suddenly catch ‘The Ick’. From then on, you can’t look at the person in the same way, you just progressively get more and more turned off by them, weirdly and maybe for no reason in particular grossed out by them,” reads Urban Dictionary’s definition of the term.
Whatever causes the ick, it usually spells the beginning of the end of a relationship. But it doesn’t have to be a death sentence, as we discovered. Read on to hear how six women recovered from the ick in their relationships.
Allie, 22 (she/her)
How did you catch the ick?
I was at a tram stop with my crush, after intentionally catching the tram he took home from school instead of my own, just to spend more time with him. He had stopped to get a Báhn Mì after school and as he was eating, he got pieces of carrot around the corner of his mouth. And just like that, this little moment was enough to turn me off him.
How did you overcome it?
I never saw him eat a Báhn Mì again and over the course of a few weeks, I got over the ick. In retrospect — after hooking up with him, the eventual ghosting and the rumour mill he fed with lies about our hookup — I wish that I would have listened to the ick and stayed the fuck away!
Sarah, 23 (she/her)
How did you catch the ick?
I was seeing this guy casually but we were really good friends, and it was pretty obvious we both had feelings for each other. And then he showed me his Soundcloud. Turns out he’s a white boy Soundcloud rapper from a wealthy, privileged area that has no business co-opting rap music. Honestly, it instantly gave me the most profound ick I’ve ever experienced in my life, and it took everything I had to move past it.
How did you overcome it?
There were a few factors to recovering from the ick. I really liked him, and there wasn’t really anything else about him that I *didn’t* like. He was super sweet, really understanding and a great friend. A total catch. So I decided to just go with it. In humouring him, I actually started appreciating his hobby a little bit. I still don’t love it, but I can admire that he has a creative project he works on for fun and to challenge himself, which is honestly something I could learn from. I guess reframing my view of the Soundcloud rapping into something that shows specific traits I DO like (creativity, a bit of tenacity, commitment to a project) helped me not only deal with it but actually be ok with it. We’ve been together for years now and saying yes to ~officially~ dating him was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Isabella, 18 (she/her)
How did you catch the ick?
It was a few weeks into the “talking stage” (as teenagers do) with my now boyfriend and I caught him trying to do a pull-up on the one of the shade shelters at lunch — and failing. All of my friends saw it too and the secondhand embarrassment gave me the instant ick!
Any tips for overcoming the ick?
I think it all depends on how much you actually like the person, and at what stage of the relationship you’re in. Initially, when I didn’t know him well, these things were ‘ick’”, but the more I got to know him, the more they became the little things he does that I find hilarious and adorable and are the reason I love him. Icks are definitely more prominent at the beginning of a relationship, but when you stick it out, they usually go away or are less noticeable. They can even end up being the traits you like most about that person.
Nina, 19 (she/her)
How did you catch the ick?
I caught the ick because he would always only want to get takeout from the same Italian restaurant. There wasn’t anything particularly bad about it, but just was a bit odd that he didn’t want to expand his options.
Any tips for overcoming the ick?
I overcame this ick because I realised it was just a quirk of his. I think if you start to reframe your thinking from it being ‘icky’ to instead being a quirk or something unique about them, it can help you overcome the ick.
Rhedyn, 24 (she/her)
How did you catch the ick?
My current partner has given me the ick several times! Or maybe he has just continued to contribute to the ickiness I experience, whether it’s how he pronounces various words (espresso as expresso, specific as pacific), some things he laughs at and some of the jokes he tells, how he texts (yeah/yer, your/you’re, there/their/they’re), or some of his super ‘Aussie bloke’ tendencies that sometimes pop up. He’s a tradie, and I’ve never dated a tradie before. It’s definitely been eye opening in many ways.
Any tips for overcoming the ick?
Turn ons! I’ve found that even though I have gotten the ick from my partner, the little moments of affection from him and admiration I have for him have countered the ickiness. Ickiness is a form of a turnoff right? So turn ons have helped me counter the ick. He could come home one day and say something that makes me think, “ew! is this giving me the ick?” but then he’ll give me a kiss on the forehead, ask me about my day, start changing out of his work clothes (including those work boots, oof! he looks good in those boots) and demonstrates little behaviours that are emotional or physical turn ons for me and I find the ick I had seems to shrink away.
Also, taking a step back and looking into why I’ve got the ick helps. I think the ick can be related more to yourself than the other person, whether it’s your past relationship experiences or turn offs you’ve picked up along the way, or even how you’re managing other aspects of your life outside of your relationship. I think this also includes taking a step back, and trying to understand your partner and the experiences they’ve had that might have impacted that habit or behaviour that gives you the ick.
Hannah, 22 (she/her)
How did you catch the ick?
The guy I was talking to would use ironic emojis (that I would use but unironically) — he’d do this multiple times and in like all of his messages.
How did you overcome it?
Initially I ghosted him but ended up matching with him again on a dating app and was basically like YOLO! He ended up not using the emojis as much so I think instead of just overcoming it, I may have just settled and the ick fizzled out.
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