Are there job opportunities in the area? Can you afford the move? Is the culture compatible with your lifestyle? Have you lived together before? Can you see yourself raising a family there? And plenty more to ask yourself. Long-distance relationships are hard, and sometimes the problems really are rooted in geography. But moving isn’t always a fix-all solution.
Everyone’s situation is different, and the choice isn’t just personal when there are things like family, friends and work to factor into the decision. As much as relationships can fulfil us, we all need a life of our own outside of our partners, too.
What often helps with life decisions like these, though, is hearing about other people’s experiences. So to gain some insight into how it has or has not worked, we mined the threads of Reddit for stories about taking the leap.
Ahead, 12 people share their thoughts and stories about moving for love.
It was an awesome adventure and I reckon you’ve got to ask yourself: what else are you doing with your life that’s so important? Hmm?”
I do think that though you can’t just move for them. Maybe that’s the driving factor, but that can’t be it. Do you like the area? Are they good career options? Could you afford to live there on your own? Do you have any support base there?
The answer doesn’t have to be yes to all of these, but they are things to consider.”
– ClikClakKittenAttack
I moved almost five years ago. We’ve now been happily married for over three. I got help in the form of therapy and antidepressants, quit the stressful hospital job two years ago, and started working with my husband. He owns a prominent small business in our little town that he’s extremely passionate about. Now I’m off antidepressants and happier than I’ve been in years. I still don’t have any close friends here, but I finally met a lot of people after quitting the hospital job.
Honestly, I’m amazed that my husband stuck with me through years of depression, anger, and irritability, but he is an incredibly supportive and patient man with a heart of gold.”
– mermur
After the initial two months, he decided that we should make the move official which I really wasn’t ok with. I loved my partner but the pressure he and his family put on me to uproot my life was really intense. I ended up leaving my job and being miserable.
My partner refused to budge and him not even being willing to give it a fair discussion was the final straw for me. This was not the person for me and this was not the life I wanted for myself. People always said we were made for each other and say that it would’ve been so different had he never had the loss but I disagree. Whether it was this situation or another, something was bound to go wrong down the track.”
At first, it was great but then you start to notice little things you didn’t know before. Sure that’s how any relationship goes when you first live together I just found it even harder I think.
Also, I moved cities to find out that his mother hated me and I hadn’t even met her. Looking back on it I wish I never dated him or moved because I wasted about four years of my life.”
– hisinfernalqueen
How invested am I in this relationship?
Does our relationship have a future?
Am I compromising my values or goals to move out where he is?
Can I get a good job in my field in my SO’s area?
Can I support myself if I move?
Do I have friends or family where he lives, or can I build friendships easily?
What is my plan if our relationship ends?”
– youcancallmecal
Compare the two paths to decide which would make you happier. Consider the risks and whether they are worth it. Discuss your future with them to make sure you are on the same page.
Personally, I would only move for someone if we are for life but in your case, it’s also an area you presumably know well, with your family and some friends so if you think you can get a job there, that’s much less risk. You even live close enough that you could look for a job before moving. Not to say you should. You moving to them isn’t the only option.”
– No_regrats
I could not have been more miserable. I couldn’t make friends, find a job in my field or really make a life of my own. As an independent person, having everything centred around my partner’s life was too much for me to deal with.
I tried to put on a brave face but they could see I wasn’t happy so we eventually decided to meet halfway and ended up moving somewhere that was new to both of us. Three years later and we haven’t looked back! I don’t regret trying but I’m so happy that I had a partner who was understanding and cared about whether or not I was content with our living situation. I think that should be the standard for everyone!”
– ignoreme
A lot of times a long-distance relationship will extend the life of a dying relationship longer than it should. You image a perfect version of them, and then once reunited for a longer period of time the reality sinks in, and the flaws become more apparent.
It takes some mature people and a sort of recalibration to make that work.
For me, it didn’t work. Good luck.”
– mikebrave
– silver150
The hardest part was building a support system from scratch. I have no family here and no friends. It took a while to build up friendships but it’s been a year and a half and I’ve never been happier!”
– mahayana
After a few months, some issues in the relationship arose. Our love languages turned out to be woefully incompatible, and I think part of the reason was that she started to lose her affection for me. Seven months in we had the talk, broke up, and I moved back.
I should have read these flags when we visited each other, but I had serious rose-tinted glasses on.”
– SkyGuy182
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