‘He Called Out The Name Of His Actual Cousin’: 10 Women On Their Strangest Sexual Experiences
Most of us grow up with a rather romantic idea of what sex is like. The reality of it, though? Not always so pretty. And as we embark on the world of modern dating in a post-lockdown world, we’re bound to encounter some awkward and very unsexy sex. But hey, at least they make for some good stories, right?
If you’ve ever wondered about what other people’s experiences have been like, the kind that make you want to swear off getting physical with anyone, we’re here to tell you that some Sex and the City storylines aren’t as far-fetched as you’d think. Diving deep into the Reddit, we cherry-picked the wildest sex stories that will definitely be staying with us for a while.
From uncomfortable Disney reenactments to surprising fetishes and bloody accidents, there’s really too much to unpack. Ahead, ten women candidly share their weirdest sexual experiences.
“So at the time my relationship with my ex was dying, so I asked if he had any fantasies he wanted to do to spice up our sex life. His request was for us to be cousins, but like slack-jawed hillbilly cousins. I was young and didn’t want to lose my boyfriend so I went along with it. He had us dress up in flannel and cowboy hats and insisted I call him cousin the whole time. When he came he called out the name of his actual cousin… It’s hands down my weirdest and most uncomfortable sexual experience. We broke up shortly after.”
“Plastic wrap bondage or as I felt ‘latex for the poor’. He wrapped me up like a mummy with my arms crossed but legs separated. And by gosh it was the hottest thing — and by that I mean I was sweating so much. The experience was a dud and put firmly in the ‘not again’ list.
“Was giving this really attractive, well-endowed guy a blowjob this one time. As he nears climax, he says, “Am I… Am… Yes… YES! I’m cumming! I AM THE FUCKING CHAMPION.” And then he proceeded to just sort of lay there, eyes closed, randomly shaking every few seconds. I said his name a few times and he was just blacked out, or something. I was so embarrassed.”
“You know that scene in Lion King where Rafiki spreads paint on baby Simba’s forehead and says “Simbaaaaaaaa”….. welp, I was baby Simba and the paint was his cum. Not planned. Not premeditated. I busted up laughing and thought it was the funniest and weirdest thing that’s ever/will ever happen to me whilst having sex.”
“Second time doing anal with my BF at the time…so it’s going great but I’m on top in reverse cowgirl and all of a sudden he gasps… I look over my shoulder in slow-motion horror to discover that I… pooped on him. It was embarrassing and hilarious. We’re not together anymore, I hope he tells other people the story about the time a grown woman pooped on him. And he still came at the end.”
“[I] was set up on a blind date when I was 19. He told me a lot about his family and loved showing me pictures. We were having a lot of fun and had been on a few dates. One night I went over to his place and we ended up hooking up. We are in doggy and I hear him moaning. It felt good but then I thought I heard him moan and it wasn’t my name. So I turn around to see he has his phone out.
At first, I thought he was recording, so I jump off and kinda kicked him by accident. This caused him to drop his phone and I could clearly see it was a picture of his family (mum, dad, brothers, sister). I am not here to kink shame anyone and to this day idk who he was looking at while fucking me. Needless to say, he was the one who broke up with me that night. still pretty confused.”
“Soooo, this one was probably my most embarrassing/worst due to many things. So after round one of fun times with my ex, he decided he was going to have a post-sex snack that consisted of hot wings. Well, after his snack he comes onto me with the line “now I want something sweet” and proceeds to push me down onto the couch and go to town down there. After maybe 3-5 mins or so, I start to feel this incredibly painful, burning feeling all over my lady parts.
I push him away from me and immediately run out of his room and book it down the stairs, past his four male roommates into the bathroom to jump in the shower to remove the hot sauce from between my legs. He follows me downstairs and comes to ask me what’s wrong, and when I told him he couldn’t stop laughing and then proceeds to go tell the roommates why I ran naked past them like I was on fire.”
“Back in my late teens, before I started shaving my pubic area, I was dating a guy with a tongue ring. We both worked at a movie theatre and knew which flicks no one was seeing, so before our shifts started we’d sneak off to one of those and fool around in the back.
Well, on one of these occasions, he’s going down on me and I think I see someone coming in so I tell him to get up. I feel a tug on my labia and he says “I’m schtuck”
The ball on his tongue ring was apparently not screwed on tight enough and got pubic hair stuck in it. He had to rip the hair out to get unstuck.”
“I was having sex with an ex-bf of mine. He said he was close to finishing but when he pulled out, he actually ended up peeing all over me. He was trying to stop it mid-way but he said it was hard for him to stop. There was piss all over my stomach and soaking my bed. It was probably enough to almost fill a plastic water bottle. Yeah, we broke up shortly after that because he “felt awkward about it”, even after I said it was okay and I cleaned up the mess afterwards all by myself. Yeah, I’ve never seen anything like that since.”
