When you start nearing the tail end of your 20s, you can start to experience a quarter-life crisis, which can push you to
make some drastic changes — some good, others, not so much. Or you might want to retreat from the confronting feelings, scrambling to find something stable to cling to instead.
According to research, 26 is the average age to experience this rite of passage, which makes sense, given that we officially lose the ‘early 20s’ tag. And given that we’ve lost a good three years to the pandemic, we’d say that just about everyone’s having an existential crisis right now, freaking out about where they’re at in life.
So if you’re on this precipice, or already deep into your quarter-life crisis, the best advice you can find is often from those who have not only made it out the other end, but have actually taken some invaluable learnings from their twenties and beyond. One Reddit thread that grabbed our attention is doing just that.
Ahead, we round up the 10 best pieces of advice from women over 30 who have seen the light and have some sage words for your journey.
“It’s perfectly fine to be “mediocre”. You don’t even have to take that promotion if you’re content with what you’re doing and the amount of work responsibilities you have now.”
— CardinalPeeves
“We’re encouraged to believe there is one true calling or fit for us out there, as though that’s how things have always been, and yet the career/lifestyle model that frames this has only been around for a few decades at most. Life circumstances change and challenge us. What I would tell my younger self is that human relationships are the gift in our lives, and that striving to live according to your values is the most rewarding thing you can do with your ambition and motivation in your 20s.”
— mittenclaw
“Don’t settle for less than. Even at 30 I have roughly 30 more years before I can entertain retirement. You absolutely will figure out a career in the next three plus decades.”
— KSplitInTwoK
“If you’re mid 30s trying to figure all this out still, focus on the relationships. Money will come, or won’t. But that social structure will support you through those variations.
Relationships are living, the money making is just a means to do things you enjoy with people you love. Passions are often sparked by finding those people, and seeing what they are lacking and trying to help.
*from someone who focused on the money first, and found herself alone, looking for people and a reason.”
— RavenLyth
“I feel more like myself at 33 and more satisfied overall than I did in my 20s. I care less about unimportant things and it makes me feel like I have more time to enjoy what I want.
I feel like I’ve lived ten different lives in the last ten years and I’ve truly enjoyed getting to where I am today, even through the hard times. Even if you think you have it figured out, you can’t control everything and things change.”
— migrating__coconuts
“Life is always changing… You could have a career now and in two years no longer have that career, you could be in a relationship or marriage and that can come to an end.
Just focus on right now and what makes you happy while preparing for the future and making plans but being open to the fact that flexibility is key and often times vital.”
— Elegant_Analyst_4976
“Take a deep breath and figure out what exactly is actually making you panic. Write down your worry areas and beak it down as to why it bothers you, the. Address each issue one step at a time. You won’t be able to conquer it all at once but you can take on but by bit to achieve your goals. Also remind yourself that there isn’t a time limit or time reward for when you have to get married or a promotion.”
— mmmxmiaa
“Honestly, I sometimes feel like I simultaneously have plenty of time and not enough time left. But I’ve learned that it’s okay. I didn’t have a career or a serious, loving relationship until fairly recently (in the past two years or so — I’m 31 now) but I can say that I’m happy.
Sometimes I wish I did things sooner, but then I always realise they would have ended way differently because I was a different person in my 20s.”
— Summer__Sunshine
“I thought I knew what I wanted out of life when I was 30. I thought I had what I wanted when I was 30. I was totally wrong on both counts. I found myself suddenly divorced and starting over on the whole relationship/marriage/babies timeline when I was 32. I was terrified.
Who knew that the next seven years would be both the hardest and the best of my life? I feel reborn, I’m a different person now, but at the same time I’m more me than I have ever been before. I have so many new friends and incredibly fun and fulfilling new passions. My career is better than I ever dared to dream. I have a new partner who makes me laugh everyday, and supports and challenges me. I’m happier and more comfortable in my skin than I thought possible.
Have a goal and work toward it, but be aware that blessings can come in disguise. The path you’re on may not be what you expected but it may be exactly what you need to grow and truly flourish. Fear will only keep you stuck in the same place. Try new things, meet new people, go on adventures, follow your heart. You never know what chance meeting or coincidence will turn out to be a pivotal moment. Change your plans. Embrace the ambiguity and uncertainty that is life.”
— 5leeplessinvancouver
“Woman creeping up on 50 checking in here. Stop watching the clock.
I plowed through career aspirations and hit the top of my field in my early 40s only to be left with an empty feeling. Had kids early. Those kids are grown and on their own. Got married early to my perfect match who wasn’t perfect.
People change and evolve. Your interest will change and evolve. Sit with the evolution and allow that to happen. My wants and needs as a 20-something look nothing like the 30-something and 40-something me. Allow yourself the space to grow and feel the change.”
— soberpen
“Nothing changes after 30. There’s tonnes of people who get married after 30. Tonnes of people who aren’t on management level even in their 40s. Its all in your mind.”
— yellowblanket123
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