In a time where costs are ever rising and the housing market is, to put it delicately, losing its mind, there are financial perks to being in a relationship. Certain costs can go down when you couple up as you avoid the invisible tax on single people.
But it’s a whole other issue to work out how you split your finances. How do you split the burden of saving? Of the food shop? What split is fair on the rent? And how do you approach all these things if one of you is managing debt, or has terrible spending habits, or is not earning right now?
The key, as ever, is communication. To get some ideas of how best to manage money with a partner, we asked the knowledgeable crew of the Facebook Money Diaries Group and they responded like champs. Ahead, we’ve picked out some of our favourite responses to give you some starter thoughts for your own relationship.
How do you make your money work with your partner? Tell us in the comments.
I’m currently on statutory maternity pay and we pool almost all our money into our joint account, both keeping £100 or so floating in our own accounts for unexpected bills or purchases. We use the joint account for everything. I did keep back some of my last pay before maternity so I’ve used that to get my hair done and pay for an upcoming hen do but day-to-day is on the joint. I would discuss with him if I needed to use it for something for myself over £20ish and he would do the same. We use this account for dates (which are nonexistent right now but lots of takeaways!) and don’t really treat each other apart from with a bit of our pre-baby savings.
When I got pregnant we decided this is what we would do and started saving in the joint account to cover the loss of income and to get used to pooling all our money.
When I go back to work in January I will have more income but we will continue to pool as we’ll then have childcare costs. We’ll be better off but not hugely as maternity pay will finish and I’m working part-time. We’ll use the slight increase in income to save towards buying a bigger car. I will also need to buy a few more work-appropriate clothes as I’m starting at a new place which is quite formal. We also know we want a second child so this increase in income won’t last for that long. We’ll try to mainly just save it away.
I think it’s really important women don’t face the burden of decreased earnings during maternity or paying for childcare alone. While I have massively cut back on things since having my daughter, so has my husband and we have faced the change together rather than him living the same lifestyle on his salary and me struggling on maternity pay.”
Amy
We got a joint account when we bought our house (he lived at home and I paid rent before this). When we got the joint account, I was earning around £10k more than him. We agreed for us it wouldn’t be fair to go 50:50 as at that point it would leave him struggling and me living comfortably. He is now a chartered accountant and earns £10k+ more than me. We agreed to put in the same proportion of our income (around 40% of our take-home pay each). Built into these contributions is money for a few date nights a month. If the joint account is looking a bit low we will take it in turns or split it. The rest of our money is for whatever else we want to do with it.
I have savings and he has savings. Holidays are split equally, the car is split equally. We are now saving for a wedding and each contributing the same % into that savings account.”
Chloe
We don’t have a joint account. Some bills are paid from his account and some bills are paid from mine.
We make sure to sit down every payday to work out what we want to do with any overlay. This can come from overtime/bonus etc.
We are trying to get to the stage of living off one wage.”
Stacey
We do as much of our regular spending as possible using the BA Amex credit card, of which we have a copy each, to earn Avios points. The joint Monzo pot pays off the BA Amex via direct debit. When places don’t take Amex, we use the joint Monzo debit cards.
The BA Amex has earned us companion vouchers and free flights, it’s really useful. We earn Avios wherever we can, via affiliate online shopping on the Avios store as well as by converting Nectar points.
We find this lets our joint finances tick over really smartly and if we’re lucky we have some extra in there, which we use towards nice dinners or holidays.
The mortgage is paid separately. As it’s a joint investment we split this monthly payment, not through the Monzo. I recommend this arrangement to anyone! Takes so much hassle out of shared finances and also gives great benefits.”
Anna
Jess
I earn significantly more but it’s always been our money and evenly accessed by both of us. As we’ve been together so long (meeting in our late teens), we’ve had times where he’s supported me financially and vice versa. When stuff is super busy for me he takes on more of the housework than usual (we try and aim for 50/50 but it’s probably more 60/40 with him doing more anyway).
We don’t tend to treat each other often; it’ll usually be something we’ve seen for under £5 or so. Bigger treats are usually for both of us and discussed as a planned arrangement.
We got here through trial and error. The way his family handles money is very different from mine. He’s sometimes not seen the point in some of the ways I wanted to manage our money, like savings pots. He’s always open to trying these things out though. We found that it really works for us (like I knew it would!) and now he tells everyone how wrong he was and how great a system it is for us.”
Hannah
Mary
I contribute £250 a month to a holiday fund and he pays for the rest. We tend to do UK walking holidays so I don’t think he ends up paying too much more than me.
He does sometimes take me out for dinner if he knows I’m broke or it’s a special occasion and sometimes treats me with presents etc. We do have a joint account for bills which we contribute to equally, but have our own accounts.
He does overpay the mortgage each month, which I don’t, and is helping save for our retirement at a greater level than I am. We agreed this when we were first together but the difference between our salaries was about £20k at that point. We have discussed since but money is a big thing to him so we’ve kept it the way it is.”
Laura
We each tithe 10% to our church, which is taken out as Gift Aid directly through payroll. My husband contributes a monthly figure to my ‘upkeep’ (nails, skincare etc.) as is customary in his culture.
We use Revolut sinking funds for things like birthdays and Christmas. I have funds for all the occasions I want to treat him and personally contribute monthly and he does the same. We both love sinking funds. It makes saving for bigger spend items easier.
We talk about our finances often. Being in finance/consulting, my husband helps me to understand that world better. We also have a financial advisor who helps. We don’t make purchases above £300 without consulting with each other (unless it’s a gift). In addition to our joint emergency funds, we also have individual savings and investments.”
Nancy
It seems what we do is rare but it works for us.”
Desi
The direct debits include everything – his contact lenses, my professional registration and insurance, anything that we have to pay for – so our disposable income is truly disposable as we’ll always have every bill paid.
Even though we have the same ‘to spend’, I have a shit load of debt that we don’t count in the direct debits so he is the one most often treating me. A bottle of pink prosecco and some flowers are the go-to.”
Elizabeth
He earns 1.5 to 2x my salary, and occasionally ‘forgets’ to put date nights on the joint card, but generally it’s a 50/50 split.
We are paid into our own bank accounts, then we both make contributions into a joint account. Rent, utilities, food, petrol, house supplies, holidays and date nights all get paid from this account. I’m the only one with a commute (25 miles) but we split the transport costs because otherwise we would argue over where to live based on cost and not where we enjoy.
No joint savings account, but it’s something I would like to look at in the future.”
-Holly
We earn roughly the same. If the bills/accounts need sorting, I definitely am the one who does this. We do the weekly shop together! We have been together since I was 17 though and lived together since I was 18, so we kind of grew up together in terms of employment, salaries, bills.”
-Elisa
We never argue about money and never resent each other’s spending habits. When we have children we may fully combine finances but I think it is so important to be financially secure as a woman. My mother has been married for nearly 40 years… she still has an emergency fund of about £1,000 that she could rely on if anything happened.”
-Fiona
When we were first together she earned nearly 4x my salary so she would pay for a lot of the more luxury date nights and more of the food shopping. Then we pooled our finances and gave ourselves equal amounts once we got engaged.”
-Kirsty
-Gill
He earns double what I do, therefore he solely pays for the rent for the German apartment and often covers expenses for holidays, meals out and any other incidentals/luxuries. He’ll always be the higher earner out of us, therefore when we hopefully only pay one lot of rent/mortgage, he’ll do the lion’s share of the saving.”
-Chloe
I’ve been paying the council tax for the last couple of years because I was being paid a lot more but he’s just got a pay rise so I want to start splitting it again. We take it in turns to pay for meals out or split bills depending on how many planned meals out we have coming up.
We’ll have been living together for four years this summer, which is enough of a trial period for me (!) so I’m feeling pretty happy about getting a mortgage and taking the plunge into a joint account. We will probably carry on in pretty much the same way as before though, except for the mortgage – I’m a bank account collector/switching bonus grabber and need all the direct debits to keep them going!”
-Julianne
He earns more than me but has debt and higher living costs, so our disposable income is somewhat similar, however he does treat me more than I treat him in terms of paying for dates or buying me takeout coffee etc. I want to split things 50/50 at this stage at least. When he moves in it will probably be a bit different as I own the house, so he’ll probably pay for things like new furniture and I’ll pay for upkeep/renovations as I don’t think it’s fair to get him to contribute that, and if things go south he can keep the furniture!
Long term, after he’s paid off his debts and if I’m still earning the same we’ll probably split it more based on our income but at the moment I’d rather he puts money towards paying that off than paying a greater percentage of our expenses.”
-Lettie
-Natalie
But now we have had children everything has changed – he pays for bills/mortgage/cars and I pay for food and everything childcare related.
I struggle not being financially independent anymore but children change everything.”
-Sarah
-Stephi
I’m gluten free (and a huge meat/fish eater) and he’s vegan so we usually eat different things for dinner and have very different grocery/spending habits. We’re both earning quite a bit at the moment, similar amounts and have very minimal spending (got a great deal on our flat, no car, no loans) so don’t mind the odd pound here and there, but if I buy something for him or vice versa, we just write it down on our notes app and pay it off at some point.”
-Laura
-Sorina
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