Apart from the usual brunch spill sesh, these moments shared between yourself and your sexual partner(s), are usually kept between you and your partner(s). Because of their intimate nature, we sometimes shy away from the details of our sexual exchanges.
But the big question that hovers over many of our heads is whether the number of people we’ve had sex with is ‘right‘. The term ‘body count’ is a tad aggressive, and in recent times, there’s been conversation about whether we should even be keeping track of our sexual escapades in the first place. Either way, the days of shaming people for having numbers in the double digits are falling behind us.
Here, 29 women dish out the details of how many people they’ve slept with — as well as what constitutes sex for them.
What do you constitute as sex?
I’m a queer cis woman, and I generally consider sex to be an act of intimate inter or outer course.
How do you feel about your number?
Indifferent.
What do you constitute as sex?
Intercourse.
How do you feel about your number?
Honestly, I think as long as you’re having safe, consensual sex that doesn’t have any negative effects on your self-worth or self-esteem — go your hardest. My number doesn’t faze me — I’m confident in who I am, what I want and what I deserve. No number, be it ‘body count’, age or what you see on a scale determines my self-worth.
What do you constitute as sex?
Strictly penetration. While there are absolutely other forms of sex, it’s far too hard for me to keep track of the number of gobbies I’ve given in my life.
How do you feel about your number?
I don’t really feel anything about it now. When I was in my early to mid-20s, I was on a mission to up it as I wanted to have a variety of sexual experiences. As a result, I’d say about 50% of my number happened in a 1-2 year timeframe. I definitely feel sad for that version of myself who felt like they needed an arbitrary number to be sexually experienced. Now, I can only be bothered to be intimate with people I trust, which is actually quite rare. Plus, who needs dates when you have vibrators?
What do you constitute as sex?
Vaginal intercourse.
How do you feel about your number?
My partner and I have been together for many years, so I’m not ashamed by my number at all. I find sex to be a very intimate experience, so whenever the topic comes up in conversation, I’m quite proud to explain I’ve only ever had one sexual partner. A lot of people question whether I’m worried about “missing out”, but I’m so content I don’t care. I feel very lucky.
What do you constitute as sex?
My response includes the number of times I’ve had penetrative heterosexual sex, as well as sex with women.
How do you feel about your number?
Amazing. I’ve got a league of people out there, across many continents, who I’ve shared a fun, exciting and (mostly) pleasurable experience with.
What do you constitute as sex?
That is for ‘PIV’ [penis in vagina] sex, but I do believe that isn’t the only form of sex; there are lots of things that fall under that umbrella!
How do you feel about your number?
I love it, I’ve lived a life and had a lot of romance, heartbreak and sex.
What do you constitute as sex?
Anyone I’ve seen naked and gone down on — sex isn’t about a penis entering a vagina, it’s fluid — especially queer sex.
How do you feel about your number?
Most of my number was a steamroll of dopamine before and after a stagnant relationship. One number was my first queer experience and I will love it forever. The whole number? Absolutely fabulous.
What do you constitute as sex?
Contact with genitals and/or penetration.
How do you feel about your number?
Honestly, I’m fine with it! For someone who is queer and has had quite a bit of fun, it seems fairly average. The number of partners you’ve had gets blurry and less important the farther away you get from your early 20s. What’s more important is how regularly you get tested and how you practise safe, mutually satisfying banging! Catholic guilt be damned.
What do you constitute as sex?
Anything above making out; from foreplay onwards. Not just penetrative sex, so oral, fingering etc. count.
How do you feel about your number?
I feel like it could be more impressive but I’m happy with my sexual journey! For a lot of women, sex is connected to emotional connection and while I wish I could just sleep with anyone, that fact that I can’t has made a difference in my current number.
What do you constitute as sex?
Intercourse.
How do you feel about your number?
Fine. In fact, I want it to be higher. There’s a quote from the show Everything I Know About Love from the nurse — “I wished I’d done nothing but fuck when I was 24. My generation were the first women who could have sex outside of marriage without it completely ruining our lives. Human bodies are like countries and you are free to explore the world if that’s what you want. And you should, frankly, while you still have the energy and skin elasticity.” So here’s to exploring in 2023.
What do you constitute as sex?
Penetrative.
How do you feel about your number?
After being in a long-term relationship for most of my late teens and early 20s, I was super nervous about sleeping with new people. I felt embarrassed at first to sleep with new people and still choose to only have sex with people after I know them for a while. My number is low but also reflective of my lack of confidence.
What do you constitute as sex?
Penetration.
How do you feel about your number?
I’m not ashamed of how many people I’ve slept with. I’m glad I was free with my sexuality in my 20s so I could explore. I now know what I do and don’t like, and what I’m looking for now that I’m in my mid 30s. A lot of my friends have only slept with a few people and are now married or in long-term relationships, I’ve heard numerous times from them that they wish they had experienced more before ‘settling down’.
What do you constitute as sex?
Intercourse… otherwise that number would be a hell of a lot higher.
How do you feel about your number?
Fine. That number is inclusive of a seven-year relationship, three two-year ones and one one-year one.
What do you constitute as sex?
Anything where genitals are touched consensually.
How do you feel about your number?
I kind of wish it were higher! Both people were long-term relationship partners but I wish I had explored a little in between, especially with other women. It has taken MUCH deliberation, insecurity and worry to work out that I identify as queer whilst being in a long-term, happy heteronormative relationship.
What do you constitute as sex?
Oral and penetration.
How do you feel about your number?
I feel good about it! A lot of those experiences were in late high school or my early 20s and now I’m in a long-term, monogamous relationship so I’m glad I had a bit of experience with people other than my partner to learn what I like and what my boundaries are.
What do you constitute as sex?
Penetrative sex.
How do you feel about your number?
Great, empowered and definitely not ashamed!
What do you constitute as sex?
In person: anything involving the below the belt area (oral, fingering, mutual masturbation, etc). Online: video calls etc. where you both masturbate
How do you feel about your number?
A little uncomfortable sometimes due to the social stigma of women who ‘sleep around’ being ‘easy’, ‘loose women’ (though I don’t subscribe to that thinking myself). Mostly ok about it though as it’s just a number, and I’ve learned a lot from having quite a few different partners.
What do you constitute as sex?
Penetrative sex.
How do you feel about your number?
Meh, it’s a number. I remember them all but most happened when I was younger, under 20, when I didn’t understand trauma and triggers associated with men and sex.
What do you constitute as sex?
I’m a lesbian, so if you’re naked in a bed and doing stuff, I then see it as sex.
How do you feel about your number?
Good! I know in ’90s movies that would be a ‘shameful’ number but people need to grow up and get consensually sexy.
What do you constitute as sex?
I’m a cisgender, heterosexual woman, so sex to me is penetrative sex.
How do you feel about your number?
Now that I’m in my 30s, I feel indifferent to it. I’ve been in a relationship since I was 19 and my current partner is the only person I’ve ever had sex with, and this definitely played on my mind in my mid-20s. I honestly think that had more to do with the questions I’d receive from other people, where friends and acquaintances (people are BOLD) challenged me on whether I’ll truly be fulfilled by sleeping with one man for the rest of my life.
My partner and I have had this conversation too (he has slept with other people prior to us getting together) and acknowledged that it’s totally normal to wonder what it would be like to sleep with other people — having this conversation openly and taking away that taboo really helped me realise I didn’t care that much. It’s literally the least interesting thing about me.
What do you constitute as sex?
Anything fun and naked.
How do you feel about your number?
I used to have a lot of shame (thanks to internalised misogyny and the Madonna/whore complex) but now I’m indifferent. Maybe even glad! Variety is the spice of life, but it should always be quality > quantity.
What do you constitute as sex?
PIV sex.
How do you feel about your number?
It’s just a number; it has no ties to who I am or my value as a person. I’m completely at peace with it.
What do you constitute as sex?
As a cis, straight person, sex is PIV. Blowjobs and such are more or less foreplay.
How do you feel about your number?
I grew up Christian so was very committed to the notion of ‘no sex before marriage’. I deconstructed my faith when I was 20 and have since had two one-night stands and then been in two serious relationships so I’m quite ok with that number. I don’t feel it’s too low or too high.
What do you constitute as sex?
With men, PIV. With women, anything below the belt.
How do you feel about your number?
Somewhat indifferent — somewhat a pressure to simultaneously sleep with more people while keeping the number low so as to not be a ‘slut’.
What do you constitute as sex?
Any sexual encounter. It doesn’t have to be ‘P in V’ even if there is a penis there, and it includes queer sex.
How do you feel about your number?
Indifferent — I’ve forgotten what it exactly is because I didn’t keep track. If anything, I’d be happy for it to go up.
What do you constitute as sex?
Any sort of activity involving my bits or their bits or both???? Basically naked making out (this can also be partially naked).
How do you feel about your number?
It’s chill. I wouldn’t really care if it was any lower or higher. Sex is fun so do it if you’re into that sort of thing.
What do you constitute as sex?
The 10 I count as sex are mostly because they are the names and/or the moments I can remember. But then there’s a handful of people that I had intimate experiences with that I’ve forgotten “what we did”.
How do you feel about your number?
I’m sure I will I get to 40 and think, “ya joking, should have been higher!” about my number. But I’ve had a lot health issues, not to mention the pandemic that made the idea of intimacy not a priority. It is what it is.
What do you constitute as sex?
Penetrative sex.
How do you feel about your number?
I feel ok about my number. I feel as though I have become more sexually liberated and positive as I have had more sexual experiences. I want to continue to experiment with my sexual partners and have an enjoyable time.
What do you constitute as sex?
Penetrative sex.
How do you feel about your number?
It’s a little on the higher side but I’m not ashamed of it.
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