This week: “I’m a 33-year old marketing manager living in the southeast. I work for a university and I’ve lived here since I was a student myself. I’ve worked in marketing for almost 10 years in a few different industries. My salary went down quite considerably when I moved into the public sector three years ago, right before the pandemic. I was looking for a better work-life balance but I didn’t foresee quite how much the cost of everything would go up.
My husband and I also welcomed our wonderful daughter, E, into the world almost two years ago. She was somewhat of a surprise (thankfully maternity pay is quite good at the uni) and we have struggled with the childcare juggle ever since I returned to work. If we had E in nursery five days a week, it would cost 85% of my take-home salary. Make it make sense! To make my salary worthwhile, we lean on one of our parents once a week and I work compressed hours (a nine-day fortnight). I feel constantly frazzled but she’s worth it. I have always been really good with money, almost to the point of being boring. It’s really helped me achieve some of my goals, like buying a house and going travelling for a year. Unfortunately my husband and I now spend a huge chunk of our wages on childcare. I’d like a second child but there’s no way we can afford it now.”
Occupation: Marketing manager
Industry: Higher education
Age: 33
Location: Southeast
Salary: £33,200
Paycheque amount: £1,988.36
Number of housemates: Three. One husband, G, one toddler, E, and a grumpy old rescue dog.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £700 for my half of our mortgage. We made the decision to stretch ourselves when we bought this house. It’s big and was a great price for the location but needed so much renovation.
Loan payments: Student loan only. I’ve never been one to borrow money, except for the huge mortgage of course.
Savings? I have £8,000 saved, which is mostly what I put away ahead of my first baby. I didn’t really need it as I returned to work FT and got additional maternity pay.
Pension? I’ve got a few pension pots from different jobs and my current role has a really great pension. I pay in 9% and they contribute more than double that.
Utilities: My half of the bills comes to £119 council tax, £95 electric and gas, £100 water (paid biannually), £15 internet.
All other monthly payments: £850-£1,017 for my daughter to be at nursery three days a week, £14 dog insurance (he’s a mongrel so he’s cheap). We also pay £30 for our car tax and £350 insurance in one lump sum. Subscriptions: £4 Disney+, £4 Spotify.
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I studied a BA (and took out the usual loans) and then did a CIM (Chartered Institute of Marketing) qualification (employer funded).
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
We had constant conversations about what we spent, what other people spent, what things cost, etc. My parents’ mortgage rate hit 17% when I was little and money was really tight. Mum worked full-time and did other people’s ironing in the evening for more income, and my dad worked nights so they could save on childcare. I was always encouraged to save my pocket money and they pushed me to get a paper round at 14 so I could become more independent.
If you have, when did you move out of your parents’/guardians’ house?
I moved out at 18 for uni and never moved back!
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
As soon as I went to university. I got a job while I was there and made between £100-£150 a week (shift-dependent). My rent was only £72pw in first year and £90pw after that, so I actually managed to save some of my maintenance loan.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
My paper round. I was really keen to have independence. I got a ‘proper’ job in a cafe as soon as I turned 16. I wanted my own money so I could keep up with friends and I saved a lot of that money.
Do you worry about money now?
I was so stressed about money when I was younger but when I started achieving my goals (i.e. buying a house, getting promoted), I was able to relax and enjoy life a bit. Then I had a baby and now I worry again. We don’t have much left, if anything, at the end of the month.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
We inherited £70,000 from my husband’s family. It was a huge surprise (and shock) and exactly why we were able to stretch ourselves and buy the house we did. What we didn’t consider was how much the cost of everything would go up but our salaries would stay the same.
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5am: Baby E is crying so I get up and feed her. I’m still breastfeeding and sometimes I can get her back to sleep when she wakes up this early.
7.30am: Oh my god, E is sleeping so well at the moment. She used to be such an early riser so the fact that I can get her back to sleep until 7.30am is a dream. She and I get up and head downstairs for some morning playtime (and CBeebies).
8.30am: Wake up the husband, G, less than graciously, by explaining there are pancakes to be made. We got some maple syrup for Christmas (in-joke) and we promised we’d eat some today.
9.30am: The dog is bursting with excitement because we’re finally on our way for a walk. We try to drive further afield at the weekend so he can sniff some new sniffs. We head to a big forest, about a 20 minute drive away.
12pm: We’re home and I do a super quick change. If I leave now I can walk and save the £2 on the bus. Before I’d always cycle but I’ve been overly aware of my own mortality since I pushed a baby out of my body. It takes 45 minutes to get to town.
1pm: I am on time, if not a bit sweaty, and arrive at a coffee shop to meet some friends for a light lunch. I’ve been poorly for ages so I’ve not really seen my friends and it’s such a relief to just chat without the baby, £9.10.
3.30pm: We all nip into M&S because I want to look at sale stuff. I spot a top so I snap it up. I also find some reduced steaks and if I know any way to my husband’s heart, it’s through red meat. A rare treat for us, £10.52.
4pm: It’s now raining so I concede and get the bus home, £2. E has been a bit whiny in my absence so we have a big cuddle on the sofa.
6pm: G is a happy boy and cooks our steaks, using up some chips from the freezer and green vegetables from the fridge. The baby eats almost nothing (a pattern you shall see repeated throughout this diary).
8pm: The baby is now in bed and the existential dread of work tomorrow kicks in. I have found it really hard to return to work after maternity leave. I miss E so much and have so little resilience to stress and pressure.
Total: £21.62
6.30am: I am up for work. God, this is horrible. Baby is crying too so I bring her into bed for a quick cuddle/feed before walking the dog.
8.15am: The dog has been walked, the baby is wearing clothes, I am still in my pyjamas but I am starting work anyway. I work compressed hours now so that I can have every other Friday off. My husband relies on a mix of TOIL from overtime and his holiday so he can do the alternate Friday. This, plus grandparents, is the only way we manage to afford to have our daughter in nursery. She’s only in three days a week but it still costs us 50% of my take-home salary.
8.30am: Reader, today already sucks. So much work to do!
12.30pm: I’m doing it, I’m lacing up my new trainers to go for a run. It’s a little wet but I’m determined to stick to my resolution, which was simply to do an activity that gets my heart rate up (sex does not count, G). The dog looks excited for a walk.
1.10pm: The dog has been traumatised but we are back after some sort of slow plod about. All movement is valid etc. etc.
1.15pm: I throw some chicken thighs, tomato and peppers into our slow cooker for dinner tonight.
1.20pm: Eating egg and avocado on toast at my laptop and feeling like the smuggest bitch ever. Send my husband screenshots of my run to prove we did it.
2.30pm: Now feeling fed up so eat handful of chocolate.
3pm: Feeling even more fed up so take a quick look at the John Lewis sale. Baby needs a new sleepsack so I buy one that’s reduced. I usually source most of her things on Vinted but I hadn’t managed to find anything in the size and tog I need this time around. I also accidentally buy myself new jogging bottoms, new jeans, a jumper and a new top. It’s all ridiculously cheap. I’ve really struggled with buying clothes and my style in general since having a baby, so I’ll consider this self-care, £69.
5pm: Wow, that day was demoralising. Luckily it’s over, G is picking up baby from nursery and dinner is basically sorted so we can just relax this evening.
6pm: Dinner is a delightful experience in which baby cries in disgust at my cooking (it’s quite nice actually) and refuses to sit in her chair so G and I take turns eating. Fabulous. Toddlers really are 10/10.
6.45pm: Bath and bedtime for E.
7.30pm: Baby is in bed and although husband and I really should spend some time together, I want to read and play Pokémon. I top up the baby’s bathwater and stew with my Switch.
Total: £69
7.15am: Today’s my husband’s dog day, which means I get to hang out with E for a bit. Unfortunately he is terrible at getting out of bed, so I yell at him a few times to get up and walk the dog. He is dropping E off at nursery on his way to work and if he’s late, I won’t be able to start work on time.
8.15am: G is not ready.
8.25am: Finally, they’re gone and I can get started.
8.30am: I’ve realised I’ve still not paid nursery and it was due on the 1st. Yick. My husband and I text back and forth because we can’t remember whose turn it is. Eventually we decide I might as well just do it. We each pay for alternate months because we have to log into a government portal to get our tax-free allowance and it’s a pain.
11am: For some reason, I look at the Next website. Some shirts I really like have over 60% off so I place an order. I tell myself this is a great deal but I don’t really know if I need more shirts? £42
12.30pm: I’m off for a run again.
12.40pm: The dog didn’t want to go very far in the rain (for a rescue dog, he’s very spoiled) so I just come home and make myself a tuna sandwich. I’m not that committed to fitness.
3pm: Feeling slightly bored and restless so look on Vinted for some bits for E. I find a bundle of leggings for a quid. She’s growing so quickly so some of her clothes are looking a bit small now. I snap them up. With fees and postage it comes to £3.86.
5pm: Because I’m working from home, my husband manages to finish on time so he can collect baby from the nursery.
5.30pm: They’re both home and grumpy.
6pm: We have no food in the house so I propose a beige meze for dinner to use up some of the freezer bits: hash brown stars, mozzarella sticks and chicken nuggets. As per usual, I demonstrate my excellent parenting prowess by not only serving my 18-month-old daughter junk food but also having her refuse almost everything. She helps herself to one star and one entire tablespoon of ketchup (it is sugar-free ketchup, please don’t report me to Childline).
7.30pm: She’s in bed and husband and I agree we don’t want to socialise with each other. Are we bad people?
9pm: I head up to bed as I’m exhausted.
Total: £45.86
6.45am: I am up, I am alive, I am taking the dog out right now.
7am: Wow, it’s dark.
8am: Somehow I miraculously manage to get back and dressed and even jump in the shower ready to leave the house. It’s a 15 minute walk to nursery/work. Even though childcare is horrendously expensive, I am so lucky to have it so close to home and work.
8.30am: We have a very tearful drop-off and I have to hang about and sign some forms. Finally get to my desk and make a coffee and pour myself a bowl of cereal from my drawer. Absolutely nothing is provided by my employer. It’s little things like this that really creep up on you, like buying milk for work. I typically buy UHT oat milk as I find it lasts way longer and unopened cartons can live in my drawer.
12.30pm: Absolutely starving and I didn’t pack any lunch so a coworker and I head to our campus shop to get bits. I’m amazed by the cost of things at the moment: bread, satsumas, bananas and a meal deal are £10.30. What?
5pm: The rest of the afternoon is a blur of calls and emails. My coworkers and I also have a sudden, overwhelming urge to clean our office so we throw out a bunch of old posters. Very satisfying. I leave at 5pm on the dot and head to the nursery to fetch E. G is working late so it’s looking like I’ll be doing dinner and bedtime alone.
6pm: E is, as always, refusing all food and drink so we head to the living room to play with her toys and wait for In the Night Garden.
7.30pm: Baby is finally asleep and husband has come home but is due to leave for hockey training almost immediately. I make myself a very weird sort of shakshuka because our cupboards are still empty. I hate food shopping. I always put it off for as long as humanly possible. I don’t even have the second can of chopped tomatoes the recipe requests so I just use some leftover mild salsa and cured meat. It is…edible.
9pm: I watch an episode of Only Murders in the Building and then head up to bed.
Total: £10.30
6.45am: The baby’s awake. We have a lovely cuddle in bed and then go through to her room to play. Today is G’s day off with her. I’m really jealous, I really miss her.
7.30am: I wake G so I can get dressed and leave for work. He’s taking the dog and baby out for a long walk this morning because the weather’s not too bad.
8.15am: I’m at my desk, ready for some cereal and coffee.
12.45pm:` Run over to the campus shop because I didn’t bring any lunch again. I buy a meal deal for £3.50 (and play the usual game of choosing options that result in the biggest saving).
1pm: One of my friends is meeting me for lunch on campus. She studies at another uni but is working in our library today. We chat for ages and it’s bloody lovely. I treat myself to a coffee, £3.15.
2.30pm: Lunch overruns a bit. I head back to my desk and crack on for the last half of the day.
5pm: Time to leave! I can’t wait to see my girl, who has apparently had a wonderful soft play with my mum friends and their kids. Working every other Friday is really, really hard. I desperately want to go part-time but we can’t really afford it. Plus, I’m hanging on because I want to have another baby and it will impact what additional maternity pay I’ll receive.
5.15pm: E’s so overwhelmed with emotion when I get home. Husband and I briefly discuss dinner and decide we’re too lazy and have no food anyway so agree on a frozen pizza and chips. Seriously, please do not call Childline on me. We used to order a lot of takeaways but have agreed we’ll ditch that habit this year as it’s just too expensive.
7.30pm: Baby’s in bed and husband and I have a bit of a blitz of the house because it is dire. We have our usual spat halfway through about who isn’t pulling their weight and then feel really cross at each other. We really struggle to stay on top of the chores.
8.30pm: We apologise to each other and then try to find something to watch on Disney+. I notice one of my favourites, The Grand Budapest Hotel, is on there so we watch that until bedtime.
11pm: Bed.
Total: £6.65
6.30am: Even though we don’t have work, the baby’s up and wants a cuddle. The weather’s horrible and both of us have a busy morning planned so we agree one of us will walk the dog and the other will stay home with E. It’s really sad because the husband and I seem to be spending so little time together lately.
8.30am: I wake up the husband (we try and give each other a little lie-in at the weekends) and he gets ready to take the dog out. He plays hockey on Saturdays so he’s often gone most of the day. I get myself and the baby ready because we’re seeing my friends again.
9.15am: My friend L arrives and parks on my road because it doesn’t have permits, unlike most of the town. We’re going to walk the 20 minutes to our brunch spot because it’s a nightmare to park around there.
9.45am: Arrive at brunch. The place is always heaving but the food is amazing so it’s sort of worth it. You normally have to queue outside for ages but we get in right away. I order eggs Benedict and a side of fried potatoes for E, which she ignores. She’s brilliantly behaved, eats a few bits of fruit I’ve brought and plays with her puzzle while me and my friends chat, £14.45.
10.45am: As there’s a crazy queue outside the cafe, we decide to pop over to my other friend’s house to finish our conversation and also see how her renovations have been getting on. She only bought her house a year ago and the progress is amazing.
11.45am: My friend L and I walk back to mine because E needs a nap. She normally falls asleep in her pram and then I just leave her in the garden like a little Nordic waif. My John Lewis order is on the doorstep so I’ll try all that on later.
2pm: Baby wakes up from her nap and L realises she needs to leave as we’ve been talking for ages. I make E some proper lunch and I get out some toys for her to play with. The weather is awful still (a pattern here) so we’ll just spend the afternoon inside.
4pm: G is home from his match, which is good because our house is now completely devoid of food. We decide we’ll all go to Aldi. This is always a terrible idea because he fills our trolley with things we don’t need (alcohol and biscuits, mainly) and I tend to fill the trolley with things we do need but maybe in excessive quantities. We have to buy cleaning products, including a new mop, so the total is eye-watering. I need more self-control, £125.10.
5.30pm: We cook some of the food we bought so we have a stir-fry for dinner.
7.30pm: Baby’s in bed but I really want to play Pokémon so G agrees he’ll play video games too. I’m addicted!
8pm: Quick break to try on my JL order. I hate it all, except for the joggers. On the plus side, I’ll be getting £50 back.
10pm: We go to bed.
Total: £139.55
6.30am: It’s my morning to lie in so I give E a quick breastfeed and cuddle before G takes her downstairs.
8am: A very excited little lady wakes me up. We have another cuddle and a bit more of a feed. Because it’s still raining, I suggest I take the dog out alone.
9am: The ground is so boggy, I’m slipping and sliding. I meet a dog-owner I haven’t encountered before, who has a very young rescue dog. I seem to be meeting more and more rescues these days. Our dog is originally from Romania and he was very hard work to begin with. He’s a bit older now and quite happy to snooze for most of the day.
10am: We’re meeting our friends and their toddler for brunch today. We end up doing brunch all the time because E tends to nap from 12pm until 2pm and it’s just a pain to work around. I don’t actually know what we spend because my husband pays but he has a breakfast sandwich and a slice of cake (why not), and I have pancakes and a coffee. Baby has her first ever babyccino and looks at me like I’ve offered her poison. She also refuses any of my breakfast, my husband’s breakfast and her own food we brought her. In the end she’s tempted by a little cake (I know, parent of the year). The cafe we’ve come to has a mini play area for the toddlers to mess around in so us adults can take turns having a conversation.
12pm: We rush home to get E down for her nap. The dog decides he wants to join us on our walk around the block to get her to sleep. It’s tipping down so we come home and decide to have a snuggle in bed to warm up. I plan to go swimming with another friend later so I don’t see the harm in lazing around for a bit.
2pm: Baby’s awake and I’m not feeling too good. We make her some ‘proper’ lunch, which she completely ignores. I text my friend to bail, and cancel my swimming spot on the leisure centre app.
4pm: We’re both absolutely starving so G starts cooking our Sunday roast. We typically buy a whole chicken to do on a Sunday because then we have the meat to use in our meals for Monday and Tuesday.
6pm: We have dinner and baby demolishes it. She asks for more of everything.
7.30pm: Baby’s in bed and I attempt to get myself ready for tomorrow. The work blues have kicked in so I play a little Pokémon to distract myself.
9pm: Decide to head to bed early.
Total: £0
Food & Drink: £165.60
Entertainment: £0
Clothes & Beauty: £125.38
Home & Health: £0
Travel: £2
Other: £0
Total: £292.98
Conclusion
“Paying for nursery is our family’s biggest single outgoing and I find the motivation to budget definitely wanes when we have such a massive, unavoidable expense every month. I definitely need to budget and plan our supermarket shops because I think we should be spending a lot less on the three of us. I would like to meal-plan more and focus on buying only what we need. I think I’m quite good at saving my treats (like coffees and food) for social outings instead of splurging while I’m at work. Having a baby has inadvertently forced us to save money as I don’t go out much at the moment because I just can’t face the hangover.”
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