According to a 2020 YouGov survey, only 13% of 18 to 24-year-olds and just a fifth (21%) of 25 to 34-year-olds met their partners online, with the rest meeting through friends and family, at work, at school, at a bar or restaurant or anywhere in the world, really. There’s definitely hope out there for those who are apps-averse and if you’re looking for some inspiration (or just a sign that you’re on the right track), then look no further. Here, eight readers dive into exactly how they met their partners in the wild.
Rosa, 20, she/they
Given the number of high school romances you can read/watch, it’s always nice to hear about relationships that continue to thrive outside of school, long beyond their adorable/cringe beginnings. This is exactly what Rosa found with their partner. “We became fast friends as soon as she asked me where she could listen to an unreleased Panic! At The Disco song (I love being cringe) and I instantly fell in love with them.”
After dating for a couple of years in secret (Rosa was out but their girlfriend wasn’t), they settled into their relationship and have been together six years. “I couldn’t be more in love or proud of the queer joy we have fostered together,” she says.
As they’re both creatives (one an artist and the other a poet), Rosa sees a future full of art and joy and laughing so hard she sounds like a kettle.
“We’ll have a house with huge windows and a massive dog called something stupid like Keith. It’ll always be a happy home and we will always have enough. Their paintings will be over the walls. We’ll show queer kids that they can be like us when they’re older and that queer joy is real even if they’re not there yet. We will rest and we’ll heal our inner children for the rest of our lives.”
Rachel, 27, she/her
Rachel and her partner have been together for over three years and they met at one of the OG spots for love: the workplace. She tells Refinery29 that she had never seen him before at their place of work so she went up and introduced herself during a work happy hour. “I found out we had a ton in common like music, playing tennis and travelling. Once I knew where he sat in the office, I would go over to his desk and we would taste test various snacks together every week. I was not shy to call him my work crush to my friends and even coworkers,” she says. “Eventually he asked me on a date, which happened to be 15th March 2020. We sat in the park and drank wine and after a few months of FaceTiming we made it official. We both ended up quitting that job and ‘came out’ as a couple to our coworkers a few months later.”Some of her favourite things about him are that he’s “calm, cool, collected”. “He was really good at his job and had this sort of quiet confidence that initially attracted me to him,” she says. “People seemed to gravitate towards him and it made me intrigued. He’s thoughtful, so patient, an amazing cook and has a super cute Frenchie, which is a great added bonus.” The pair are moving in together soon and Rachel says she’s sure it will be the classic engagement-marriage-house pipeline. “He’s 36, I’m 27, but he hasn’t put any pressure on me to speed things along, which is great,” she says.
Katy, 37, she/her
Whether or not you’re a believer in fate, there are times when you can’t deny that the stars feel aligned. It was a complete coincidence that Katy’s now boyfriend was in a pub she regularly went to after work (he worked far away); neither of them had any way of knowing they’d met just a month before the world would shut down; and once he’d returned to Northern Ireland from London, Katy didn’t expect they’d see each other again.
“One Saturday towards the end of March 2020, I was sitting on his bed, eating pizza and watching him pack his bags,” Katy says. “The construction site he was working on had closed down, with no indication of when it might reopen, so he was going home to Northern Ireland. He left on Sunday and the UK went into lockdown the next day.” They stayed in touch and that October, during a brief lockdown respite, she went to visit him. “We had such a good time that it didn’t seem strange when he said, ‘Why don’t you just move over?’ A few weeks later, my mum was dropping me off at Heathrow with two massive suitcases and a promise to come back in six months if it didn’t work out. Three years on, I’m still here.”
They’re now about to have their first child and she jokes that their future is “as serious as it gets”. “I never expected my life to look the way it does now — I thought I’d be a London girl ’til I die, and kids certainly weren’t on the agenda — but meeting him opened up a whole new set of possibilities.”
“That’s the thing about meeting someone IRL rather than on an app: When you look them in the eye, you just know.”
Hilary, 31, she/they
Hilary first met their partner in person — but it wasn’t an accident, technically. “I was introduced by a friend and set up on what was, essentially, a blind date,” Hilary says. “My partner is a creative — they make LGBTQ+ content for kids and family and have the biggest heart. Their main mission in life is to make life easier for queer and trans kids today than it was for us when we were growing up and realising our gender and sexuality in the early aughts and 2010s.”Hilary says she was drawn to her partner because “they are funny and sweet and know exactly how to stop my brain mid-spiral and create peaceful, easy silence for me.” Their first dance at their wedding was to “Easy Silence” by The Chicks, “which perfectly explains our relationship and who they are for me and for many others.” They’ve been together for six years and have been married for two. “We have two dogs, Georgie and Charlie, and our life is pretty sweet. Just lots of good food, dog walks, queer shows and movies, and cuddling in on cold winter nights,” Hilary says. “It sounds pretty saccharine but whatever. It’s great.”
Alex, 31, she/her
Alex was visiting a childhood friend of hers in Toronto who had been studying in London all year. A friend she’d made at university happened to be visiting, who Alex met at a random dinner party.
She tells Refinery29 that even though they were both dating other people at the time, “After he left Toronto, we continued talking on Facebook messenger and eventually became long distance (to the surprise / shock of our mutual friend).” A year later, Alex had moved to London and they’ve been together ever since.
In those nearly seven years they’ve realised that in many ways they are polar opposites, but that’s part of why they work: It balances them out. “We are opposites in many ways — I’m a ball of nerves and he’s very laid-back and fun! Thinking back to that week we met, he just felt really funny and the life of the party — someone you instantly feel comfortable being around.”
Other than getting married (which they’ve already ticked off the list), they don’t have any concrete plans for the future. Instead she thinks it just looks like “more of what we do now! Travel when we can, maybe get a dog, maybe move around.” Having travelled from Canada to the UK for love, the world is their oyster.
Meghan, 28, she/her
Meghan had just arrived back in the US after travelling Europe on a solo trip, and had a friend convince her to stay in Los Angeles after she was planning to move to Amsterdam. “I was settling back in and went to get my hair done up in the valley,” she says. She had a spur-of-the-moment inkling to head to a bar down the block after her appointment. “I walked into a locals’ spot and sat myself down at the bar, ordered a salad and a margarita, and promised myself not to touch my phone while I was there so I could stay open and get into the mode of being receptive if any conversations arose,” she says. “Barely 20 minutes after arriving, I had an older man decked out in silver jewellery approach me and say, ‘I absolutely love your hair!’ I replied and thanked him, to which he said, ‘I’m married by the way, I’m not hitting on you, just thought you should know that you look stunning,’ and I thanked him.”
Meghan ended up hanging out with the gentleman’s friends for the night. “I fully expected other men in their early 60s to be sitting, waiting for me to turn around, but to my pleasant surprise I found a mixed bag of people, some coupled up, some single men, and all within the age range of 35-45,” she says. Her current partner of around eight months was in the group. “We talked for almost four hours that first night we met, and we’ve been together ever since,” she says.
She describes her partner as “one of the kindest, most patient, growth-centric, full-of-facts, curious, loving, intelligent human beings I have ever met, and I feel so deeply inspired and lucky every day in our partnership. He is my rock and allows me the safe space to fly each and every day with support and encouragement, and without constraint or jealousy. Truly the healthiest and most balanced and loving dynamic I’ve ever been in.”
As for their future, Meghan says they love to travel and have already taken five trips together in the eight months they’ve known one another. “We hope to have a home outside of the US together someday but for now we are learning, exploring new hobbies and interests, and working towards the beautiful future we’ve discussed where we explore the world, our own potential and a union together (marriage most likely within the next couple of years, if not sooner),” she says. “Honestly though, he’s the only partner I’ve had that didn’t make me feel like I needed to rush towards something because the right-here-and-now is pretty great.”
Bridgette, 26, she/her
You know how the Rihanna song goes, “We found love in a hopeless place?” Bridgette identifies with the lyric — she found love on the footpath. “I was getting pizza late one night with friends after a concert and a guy walked by wearing funky yellow disco shades,” she says. “I said, ‘I like your glasses’ and he stopped to chat me up, we hit it off, and have been talking ever since.”
The pair casually dated for over a year but have now been an exclusive couple for over five months. “I love his brain and the way he processes things, how silly he is and how he’s always up for anything,” she says. “The best parts are that we’ve sat on my couch for over five hours straight just talking and laughing and it feels like five minutes.”
Maya, 25, she/her
Maya met her boyfriend volunteering to knock on doors for a state legislature candidate in Virginia, USA. “Our friend who had organised the canvass asked if the two of us wanted to go together and divide up one turf. He immediately said no and that he would take his own,” she says. “We connected over drinks with other volunteers after the canvass was done but didn’t start seeing each other until a few months later when we were with mutual friends at a bar and he asked me out.” They’ve been together for two years.“Since the start of our relationship he’s always been very vulnerable and honest with me and doesn’t hide what he’s feeling. He’s also incredibly thoughtful and plans very romantic dates, trips with full itineraries, and surprises,” she says. “He’s put his full effort into our relationship from the beginning.”
As far as what the future looks like, though, Maya isn’t so sure. “We’ve been living together for the past six months but we’re also looking at a year or two of long distance. We’re both planning on going back to school and his job takes him a lot of different places,” she says. “I think the next few years will be challenging but we have a solid foundation and are both committed to making it work.”
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