Let’s face it, some Christmas movies will set you up for that better than others. For example, Mr. Heat Miser is hot but not shirtless-Jude-Law-saying-“I’m-in-love-with-you”-hot. If you’re horny (or want to be), then this is not the time for The Grinch (though some might argue that The Mean One is totally fuckable).
My point is: Pick your thirst trap movie wisely. To help you sift through the seemingly never-ending catalogue of merry motion pictures, here’s our unofficial Official Naughty Movie List™. Pop some corn, charge your vibrator, and get ready to press play.
Happiest Season
Regardless of who you rooted for at the end of this film, which explores what happens when your partner isn’t out to their family, there are so many sensual scenes to enjoy on the journey. The make-out sequences between Abby and Harper (Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis). The blazing eye contact between Abby and Riley (Aubrey Plaza) at the hometown bar. Abby’s killer Christmas party outfit. Take your pick.
Eyes Wide Shut
Of all the festive-adjacent movies I’ve seen, this one was by far the horniest. It kicks off at a decadent Christmas party, and from there, it descends into an erotic tale involving murderous secret sex societies, drugs, and clit-throbbing tension between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.
The Holiday
If a shirtless Jude Law and a smouldering Cameron Diaz aren’t enough to wet your whistle, there are all kinds of romantic speeches and sultry build-ups to get you in the mood. Even the exterior scenes of the snow-covered countryside cabin do it for us, TBH.
Love Actually
This one is chock-full of sexual tension. There’s the lusty scenes between the Prime Minister and Natalie (Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon). And then the improbable and pure romance between Jamie and Aurélia (Colin Firth and Lúcia Moniz), who do not speak the same language yet understand each other on a spiritual level. But if nothing else gets you going, this stacked ensemble cast features a nearly naked Rodrigo Santoro. Need we say more?
This Christmas
Not only does someone actually sleep with Santa in this film, but it also features Sexiest Man Alive Idris Elba, who pensively stares out a train window while looking impossibly attractive in one scene.
Just Friends
In this film, Chris (Ryan Reynolds) goes from nerdy teen to neck-tie-wearing executive who heads home for the holidays with the hopes of winning the love of his high school bestie, Jamie (Amy Smart). Hilarity ensues, as does a breathless Ryan Reynolds saying, “I want to have babies with you”. Sign. Us. Up.
Carol
Set in the 1950s, Carol (Cate Blanchett) meets Therese (Rooney Mara) while Christmas shopping for her daughter at a department store. Soon they begin a forbidden love affair. Things really start to heat up on on New Year’s Eve when they kiss for the first time and Therese says “take me to bed.” They make love in an exceptionally steamy scene.
The Perfect Holiday
In this funny film, Nancy (Gabrielle Union) unknowingly falls for the Santa at the local shopping centre (Morris Chestnut) after her daughter tells him her mother’s Christmas wish is to receive a compliment from the man. Union and Chestnut have powerhouse chemistry throughout the movie, despite the ups and downs they encounter.
The Best Man Holiday
A sequel to ’90s film The Best Man, this one offers sex and secrets (the ultimate holiday combo), and couples so infatuated that they literally jump on each other. Plus, anything with Taye Diggs is going to be tantalising, in my opinion.
Die Hard
So, there aren’t any actual sex scenes in this film — that I know of. I’ll be honest, I can’t say for certain because the last and only time I watched this movie I was too busy having sex to remember most of it. I don’t know if it was the suspense, the person I was with, or Bruce Willis’s sweaty, chiselled body, but this one sure did it for me.
Reindeer Games
I didn’t know this movie existed until I started on my quest to find thirst trap holiday films. But boy, am I glad I do now. Although I found some of the content questionable, the chemistry between Ben Affleck and Charlize Theron is undeniable.
Last Holiday
In this movie, Georgia Byrd (Queen Latifah) receives a life-changing diagnosis and blows her remaining money on lavish trips and exquisite meals. The high-end hotel sheets alone made us want to jump into bed, but her love story with Sean (LL Cool J) sealed the deal.
Holidate
I’d put this movie in the “so bad it’s almost good” genre, but I must say — the leads, Sloane (Emma Roberts) and Jackson (Australia’s Luke Bracey), do have some titillating moments. And while the film isn’t only about Christmas (Sloane and Jackson make a pact that they’ll do all holidays together so that they don’t have to go dateless), it starts and ends there, with a rousing Halloween romp in between. A quick preview: She puts her leg over him, and he slowly pulls off a billowy shirt that looks straight out of Princess Bride to reveal just the right amount of chest hair.
Bad Santa
This film is about an unlikely department store Santa Claus (Billy Bob Thornton) who helps a young boy who’s being bullied by a group of skateboarders. That may not sound sexy, but in the process, he runs into Sue (Lauren Graham), who reportedly has a Santa fetish and their connection is impossible to deny.
While You Were Sleeping
Last, but most certainly not least, is this gem, in which we meet Lucy Eleanor Moderatz (Sandra Bullock) the day before Christmas. She’s a transit worker and hopeless romantic, and before we know it, she’s simultaneously saving her crush Peter (Peter Callaghan) from both a mugging and collision with a train. He ends up in a coma, and by way of miscommunication, his family believes Lucy to be his fiancé. Soon, she’s slipping on ice and deep in a flirtation with Peter’s brother Jack (Bill Pullman). They obviously belong together, and their unspoken connection is the ultimate recipe for holiday horniness.
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