This week: “I’m a 30-year-old woman living in Kent with my husband, P. He is currently working as a lecturer while he prepares for some professional exams to be able to practice his real profession here after moving to the UK. When it comes to managing money, I am a walking paradox. I preach the importance of budgeting, yet I occasionally spend compulsively. I am this way because I was raised by a hardworking and entrepreneurial mother who came from nothing and a more laissez-faire father whose ministry was “living for now”. I have very little investments and some cash in savings, but I also have debt. I spend some of my money on experiences, and I am a recovering impulsive giver. There’s many a Go Fund Me pot that I have contributed to, despite my debt — my logic being that others have it worse than me. I’ve never really struggled before, but lately, with the rise in living costs, new responsibilities and Black tax, I am finding it difficult, despite earning more than the average UK household. P and I are both on a path to improve our lives, but we have had to bootstrap beyond what I’ve ever done before, and I am finding it rather tough. However, I work hard, and I don’t shy away from doing extra to earn more and improve our circumstances. Deep down, I know things will align once P starts working in his actual profession and earning more.”
Occupation: Project manager
Age: 30
Location: Kent
Salary: £52,530
Paycheque Amount: £3,006
Number of housemates: One, my husband, P
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: P and I pool our incomes together for bills, work travel, food and other needs and then live off that. My half of our rent is £700 rent.
Loan payments: £112.50 debt payment.
Savings balance: £1,750 (This should really be a five-figure amount by now, but I have a terrible habit of dipping into my savings.)
Utilities: My half is £122.50 council tax; £68 electricity; £18 water.
Pension?: £215
All other monthly payments: £26 phone; £24 wi-fi; £29.99 gym; £18 charity; £160 tuition fees for BIL abroad paid per term; £11.87 home insurance; £50 car insurance; £266 work travel; £37.35 car breakdown cover; £300 exam fees for P; £155 credit card repayment; £100 gift repayment (this month is the final month).
Subscriptions: £10.99 Apple Music; £8.99 iCloud; £8.99 Amazon prime; £20 website fee.
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? I went to university, and my tuition fees were paid for through student loan. Repayments are deducted from my gross salary on a monthly basis.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
My mother is a very financially savvy woman. She taught us about building wealth and sticking to budgets. Growing up, she did not hesitate to spend on us or deprive us of certain things at all, but she rarely spent on herself. My father was less strict with his spending, and he gave away a lot of his earnings through Black tax and generosity. He did, however, teach us to not waste anything. So that meant using only what’s needed when cooking, not wasting food or spending too much money on useless things. Ironically, his actions did not always match his teachings. There were arguments about money due to lack of prioritisation on my dad’s part, until my mum decided to take matters into her own hands and started managing all the household money responsibly.
If you have, when did you move out of your parents’/guardians’ house? About four years ago.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life? I became independent financially aged 26.
What was your first job and why did you get it? Waitressing, back in high school. I got it to earn extra money to spend on whatever I wanted. I also wanted to build my CV with some work experience.
Do you worry about money now? Almost daily.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? No.
6:10 a.m. — Woken up by P’s movements as he gets up to get ready for work. I groan as I turn back to sleep, briefly debating with myself whether I should wake up and hit the gym as I’ve been making such good progress or if I should roll over and go back to sleep. I choose the latter.
7:15 a.m. — My alarm goes off. I set it so I could do some reading, but I turn it off and stay in bed as it’s cold.
8:30 a.m. — My second alarm goes off, and I draw the curtains to find sunlight! My mood is immediately lifted at the sight of it. I spend some time checking my personal emails.
9 a.m. — I head into our “office” (our second bedroom) and grab my work laptop and take it to our bedroom where I work in bed with the electric blanket on. It’s a particularly busy week at work and there are a few meetings I need to move around.
11:15 a.m. — I go on AirTasker, a side hustle app, to find side jobs that I could do to earn extra income. I come across a cleaning ad for this Friday, and I leave a message with my offer.
1:15 p.m. — I warm up a slice of pizza to eat before heading for a doctor’s appointment. There is no parking, so I park down the road for £1.40.
5 p.m. — I finish work and immediately grab my novel. I’m so close to the ending, so I’m determined to finish it. Later on I have a class for a course I’m taking, so I need to leave ample time to prepare for that.
6 p.m. — I finally finish reading the novel, and I pat myself on the back.
6:30 p.m. — I quickly gobble down my dinner (spaghetti bolognese that P made) as I’m running late. I eat while watching some skits to unwind from a mentally draining day, and then I leave for my class.
9:50 p.m. — I yield to my earlier cookie cravings and get some on my way home from my class for £1.50. I receive a call from one of my siblings, D. We are in the process of supporting one of our siblings, R, to emigrate to England, and the financial burden has been shouldered by D, while I offer my time to do admin stuff as that’s all I can give. D informs me that R failed the English test, and $250 is required to retake the test. I wish I could help, financially. P and I sent remittances back home to my in-laws this month, which unfortunately got stolen. As a newlywed trying to make a good impression, I decided that we send more money, though it meant borrowing from D until payday. I am now more motivated to establish a second, passive stream of income to manage black tax and handle issues back home.
10:15 p.m. — I stop at a fuel station and put in £20.01 worth of petrol.
10:30 p.m. — I get home and P has just finished doing laundry. The kitchen and lounge are clean, and I feel grateful as he’s been extremely great around the house while I’ve been down. As the one who works from home, some chores fall on me purely because of the convenience, which is a disadvantage. Having a partner who contributes equally to the household chores is a blessing.
10:35 p.m. — I check AirTasker, and the poster has shared their home address for Friday after work.
11:15 p.m. — Though exhausted, I decide to start a new novel, The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives, before heading to sleep.
Total: £22.91
6:43 a.m. — I am momentarily shaken out of sleep by P as he bids me goodbye.
8:55 a.m. — I get up and grab my work laptop from the office and take it to our bedroom where I work.
10:30 a.m. — I’m craving banana bread, so I decide to make it while I wait for a team meeting to start in two hours. I find almost everything I need in our cupboards, except baking powder, so I go to the convenience store to buy some. I also grab some crisps to snack on later, £2.49.
10:55 a.m. — I put the banana bread in the oven to bake. I immediately think about dinner tonight. Seeing as P has been a gem all week, I decide to make some lasagne.
12:30 p.m. — Our team meeting starts, and there is tension between our superiors. One of my colleagues texts me on WhatsApp to discuss it, and I get myself involved in some office gossip. I make sure I don’t say anything bad, even though she does so freely — one can’t be too careful.
1:12 p.m. — The meeting goes over the set time, and I am a little annoyed as I want to eat first before hopping onto my biggest meeting of the day at 1:30 p.m. As soon as the meeting ends, I rush to make myself some sausages to eat quickly.
1:26 p.m. — As the meeting organiser, I hop onto the call to allow everyone else on.
3:55 p.m. — Immediately afterwards, another colleague of mine, CP, asks to have a meeting to debrief about the meeting.
4:55 p.m. — After completing what I needed to complete following my call with CP, I decide to call it a day. I immediately start preparing dinner while doing dishes.
6:01 p.m. — P’s home early today, but dinner isn’t ready yet. He walks into the kitchen and comes in for a kiss before heading out to get changed. I finish cleaning up and tell him of my plans for the evening. I want us to eat at the table then watch a TV series that we’ve been watching. P, however, has plans to meet a friend at the gym. Ironically, I had cancelled my boxercise class that evening so I could spend time with him. I feel like I can’t be disappointed, seeing as I didn’t communicate this prior.
6:45 p.m. — P and I talk about his day as we eat. He has had quite an interesting day, and his face gets animated as he describes some of the exciting stuff that took place at work. I love seeing him happy.
7:25 p.m. — P leaves for the gym and I decide to continue reading my eBook.
10 p.m. — P is back and fetches me from the lounge for bedtime. As usual, we say our prayers and then unwind. We spend time reminiscing on special moments we have shared over the course of our relationship and we laugh at silly jokes until we cry. However, for a reason I won’t dive into, the spell is broken, and we end up going to bed annoyed. I huff as I pull the blankets towards me, and a part of me wants to talk about it like an adult, but another part of me chooses to sulk, instead. I grab my iPad to read my book, and I’m pretty sure I fall sleep staring at the screen.
Total: £2.49
7:10 a.m. — I am woken up by P shaking me for a goodbye kiss. A part of me wonders if he was going to break tradition by not kissing me goodbye because of the little disagreement we had last night, but I’m relieved.
8 a.m. — It dawns on me that I’m yet to buy a gift for P for our anniversary. It’s the year of paper, and I know just the gift for him — some books and a men’s devotional Bible. I go online and order a box set of non-fiction books I know he will like, which cost £20.98, and his Bible costs £21.79.
8:15 a.m. — My alarm goes off just as I finish my internet shopping. I open the curtains and I am delighted to see the sun is out and it’s nice and bright outside. My mood instantly shifts — it’s going to be a good day.
8:41 a.m. — I check my work emails on my mobile. I panic when I see an email from yesterday about an important meeting that I needed to sort something out for. I quickly draft a response to all parties involved, but before pressing send, I decide to check for any previous communication I might have missed. CP already dealt with the issue last night, so I quickly email her to thank her.
9:10 a.m. — P texts to apologise for the part he played in last night’s disagreement. To be honest, after the kiss this morning I knew we were okay, but I appreciate the apology.
10:45 a.m. — I prepare for my “long meeting of the day”, which is starting in 15 minutes. I decide to make some oats with some peanut butter.
11 a.m. — My meeting starts, and I say my pleasantries in my “work voice”, which is very different from the voice I use when speaking with my family and friends. It has a more formal tone to it, and back in the day I used to make it sound more “British” to fit in, but over the years, I have subconsciously reverted to the accent of my mother tongue.
12 p.m. — We take a break, and I make some loose-leaf herbal tea. I have been meaning to get a proper mesh tea infuser, so I go on Amazon to find a nice one. I find and buy a set of three mesh snap-ball tea strainers which cost £5.99.
1:05 p.m. — My meeting finishes and I use that opportunity to check my personal emails that have been flashing on my screen. I see an email from my gym — I’ve been charged for cancelling my boxercise class too late yesterday, £4.
1:30 p.m. — I go for a walk after my meeting to soak up some sunshine and get some fresh air.
6:15 p.m. — P comes home, and we hug. He immediately announces his plans to go to the gym and asks if dinner is ready. I side-eye him before responding that there are leftovers from last night’s dinner.
6:45 p.m. — I decide to eat, but I realise the leftovers aren’t enough for two adults, certainly not with P’s appetite. I eat the leftovers and send P a shopping list so I can cook when he comes back.
8:30 p.m. — P comes home from the gym with the shopping, £6.10.
9:15 p.m. — While P eats, I carry on reading my book and start undoing my hair. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll finish tonight, so when P has eaten, finished cleaning the kitchen and showering, I decide to join him in bed.
10:30 p.m. — We start winding down, say our prayers and say goodnight. However, I am still hooked by my book, so with much determination, I decide to stay up late and finish it.
Total: £58.86
7:11 a.m. — I’m woken up by the sound of the front door closing. There was no kiss this morning, but I attribute that change in routine to P running late, seeing as his train is at 7:15 a.m…
7:25 a.m. — I see a text from P saying he didn’t want to wake me up (for a kiss) because I was sleeping like a log! He was also running late, as I figured. I change my alarm to 8:45 a.m., put on a sleep meditation video on YouTube and drift back to sleep.
8:45 a.m. — My alarm goes off and I reluctantly get out of bed. Today’s meetings will start at 10:30 a.m., so no pressure.
1 p.m. — I decide to go shopping for a few bits we have run out of. I mentally prepare myself to go to two stores to get what I need. Lately, we do most of our shopping in Aldi as it’s cheaper, and then we get most toiletries and cleaning products from Savers. When I get to Aldi, I’m lucky to find everything I need there, £16.18.
2:10 p.m. — One of my superiors messages me about an email he sent me in the morning. I haven’t looked at my emails all morning, so I scramble to get that done. The task involves some Excel formulas and I rue the day I bragged about my Excel skills.
4:15 p.m. — I set an alarm yesterday to remind me to get ready for my cleaning gig. I frantically finish off some of my work as quickly as possible, then I grab all the products I feel l might need, in case the homeowner doesn’t have them.
4:47 p.m. — I arrive at a very lovely home, evidently newly renovated and yup, you guessed it — this could be me but I’m clearly playing! I park my car in their driveway and then knock. I am welcomed in by a couple, B and C, who are both very friendly and lovely, but I can’t chit chat as I have a lot of work to do.
8:16 p.m. — I had aimed to finish in less than three hours, but I exceed this by 10 to 15 minutes. B sings praises about my cleaning upstairs. I smile, thanking my mother for making us do chores when we were younger, despite having a well-paid housekeeper who was employed to do it. I guess she didn’t want us to end up clueless and struggle down the line! If this becomes regular, I wouldn’t complain at all.
8:40 p.m. — I finally get home. I am extremely exhausted, and my back is hurting. P is home, and I see him cooking dinner still. He immediately notices I’m not okay. He grabs some ibuprofen gel to rub onto my back, I wince and cry as it is very painful and tender, but once the gel kicks in, the pain subsides.
11 p.m. — We are finally in bed. The pain in my back is slowly returning, so I ask P to rub some more gel onto my back. We say our prayers and then try to get some sleep.
Total: £16.18
10:30 a.m. — I get out of bed, wash my face and brush my teeth. Lately, I am trying to be more intentional about my skincare. I gently apply my skincare products, finishing off with sunscreen.
12:30 p.m. — P decides to go to the gym, so I decide to watch a film on Netflix while I undo my hair.
1:30 p.m. — I ask P to grab some puff pastry on his way home. A little social media scrolling session has inspired me to try out some recipes. Weekends are my best opportunity to really put my foot into dinner, so I want to make the most of it. The puff pastry costs £1.70.
3:00 p.m. — P and I have lunch (leftovers from yesterday’s dinner). At this point, I know I don’t feel like cooking much, so I take out some frozen food I had made so we can eat that for dinner instead. While we eat, P and I watch a show on Amazon Prime.
5:10 p.m. — I get a phone call from my friend, G, who lives in America, just to catch up. I excuse myself and take the call in our “office”. Our call lasts an hour and half, and it covers G’s newborn baby and how her life has changed since giving birth two months ago. G is one of the strongest people I know, and a part of me wishes I could be there for her more, physically, while she navigates motherhood.
7 p.m. – P and I eat the defrosted dinner I took out earlier. We chit chat about my fitness goals while we eat and choose to switch off the TV unlike what we normally do. P says he is going to train me, but only if I listen to him and do as he says. I jokingly roll my eyes because I know exactly what he means. I can be stubborn, sometimes. I agree to his terms; we will start as soon as my backache is gone.
9 p.m. — I wash my hair now I’ve finished undoing it. It doesn’t take me long as I don’t like fussing with it too much. I then deep condition it and wait 15 minutes before rinsing.
11 p.m. — I’m finally ready for bed. I contemplate starting a new novel, seeing as I have already finished two this month. I decide against it when the pain in my back returns. I should probably get some sleep if I want to make a full recovery.
Total: £1.70
7:45 a.m. — My alarm goes off for me to wake up. I had planned to go to church, but with my backache, driving would be uncomfortable. I decide to stay at home instead and nurse myself back to full health.
10:00 a.m. — I finally get out of bed. I call my friend, Z, as I had been promising to call for some time now. Z is particularly tired of living alone in this cost of living crisis, but she’s uncertain whether moving in with L, her boyfriend, would be a good idea. L is the one who suggested it, and Z is keen for financial reasons, but fears that it might lead to complacency when it comes to long-term commitments (she wants to get married). I avoid offering advice, so I just listen and ask her what SHE wants, instead.
12:15 p.m. — P is watching football highlights so I decide not to disturb him. I finally grab some food — oats with chia seeds. I also grab a banana and slice it into the oats.
1 p.m. — P and I sit down and have general chit chat. It is so random — we are discussing the brain, gut health, and the correlation. It is during this discussion that I learn about the intelligence of mice, which tragically, is the reason behind their use in scientific experiments.
3 p.m. — P goes to the gym. I watch him leave, envious that he can while I am still recovering. I go on YouTube to look for some stretches to improve my back pain.
5:05 p.m. — P returns from the gym and comments on the engine light in the car. We need a lambda sensor replaced, and I think Halfords will charge us an arm and a leg. We decide to list the job on AirTasker for £55 for labour.
5:30 p.m. — I start preparing dinner while P preps for work tomorrow. I air fry some chicken wings and slice potatoes into wedges with some kale to go with it.
7 p.m. — P and I have dinner while watching The Big Bang Theory. I could watch that show numerous times because that’s my kind of humour.
9 p.m. — I decide to shower, having realised that I hadn’t showered all day! P joins me.
10 p.m. — I do my bedtime skincare routine. I notice that my toner has run out, and I make a mental note to buy some more on pay day. I add it to the budget, so that I remember to factor that cost in.
10:15 p.m. — As we are both back to work tomorrow, P and I decide to call it a night.
Total: £55
7:10 a.m. — I wake up to use the loo. P is up and about to leave for work, so we kiss, and he rushes off. I decide to go back to bed until my alarm goes off.
8:15 a.m. — My alarm goes off and I reluctantly get out of bed. I have a follow up appointment at the doctor’s at 9 a.m. to get ready for. I take a shower, brush my teeth and comb my hair.
9:10 a.m. — I am called in and the doctor sees me quickly. On my way home, I pass by a shop to buy some stamps for P for £3.
10:30 a.m. — I decide to eat something, so I grab an apple, a banana and a slice of bread. I also make myself some herbal tea to kickstart my digestive system for the day.
11 a.m. — My meeting with my manager, S, goes really well. She confides in me about her own career plans, which prompts me to share mine. She advises that I stay within the team so she can give me whatever opportunities I need to boost my career. I feel privileged to have her as a line manager.
3:45 p.m. — I get a phone call from one of my cousins whom I haven’t spoken to in ages, X. We have lots to catch up on, but work is busy. So, while I type away, I listen to what she says. I am quite impressed that I am able to do both without making mistakes. You know what that is? Growth!
5 p.m. — As soon as I shut my laptop, I head to the post office to post P’s letter. It turns out that the stamps I bought earlier wouldn’t suffice as there are official documents in there, so I post the letter as “signed for” instead, £2.75.
5:45 p.m. — I make a pie for dinner, rushing so that when P arrives, we can eat. However, I immediately remember that P has classes this evening for his professional exams and will be home after 10 p.m., so I relax.
7:30 p.m. — I eat dinner while watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
8:20 p.m. — I call my mum as I haven’t spoken to her in a while. She’s almost always busy, but I know I need to be more intentional with keeping in touch with her. As it’s after 8 p.m., I know she has finished working now. We speak for about 15 minutes and then hang up.
8:40 p.m. — I am bored at home alone, so I decide to read a novel that one of my former colleagues got for me as a parting gift. It’s called Good Intentions, and it’s supposed to be quite good. I sit on the couch, all wrapped up and cosy, and start reading.
10:05 p.m. — P is back, and I immediately jump up to hug him. While he puts his bags away and changes into comfortable clothes, I warm up his pie with a side serving of vegetables, and I sit next to him to watch him eat. His facial expressions immediately tell me he’s enjoying it before he even opens his mouth to tell me, which makes me smile. I ask about his day and his studies, and he updates me while he eats.
11 p.m. — We decide to call it a night. I am in the office tomorrow, so I have to sleep early. While P brushes his teeth, I pick out my outfit for tomorrow — a pair of salmon trousers and a burgundy turtleneck shirt. I lay it all out, including the coat. I then go to brush my teeth, too.
Total: £5.75
Food & Drink: £27.97
Clothes & Beauty: £0
Home & Health: £4
Entertainment: £42.77
Travel: £21.41
Other: £66.74
Total: £162.89
Conclusion
“I definitely spent quite a lot this week, although this is purely circumstantial. The experience of recording my expenses was quite eye opening, as I had been telling P that we need to do better with following up on our monthly budget, so we have a more accurate picture of what our outgoings are. It will also help us to be more realistic with our budget, so we don’t feel like we can’t afford to have fun anymore. I will certainly change that in the future and be even more intentional about improving our financial wellbeing.”
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