“Icks” are all over the internet. What turns us off — that inexplicable and sudden feeling of disgust and cringe — has taken up plenty of real estate on TikTok. If you search the word on the app, you’ll find lists and lists of things people say are unexpected dealbreakers in dating, like “ankle socks” or “fake laughing” or “ordering a steak well done” or “pushing a door that you’re supposed to pull.” Some icks are obvious (bad tipper), and others are more particular (when a man is holding an umbrella and the wind blows it inside out). Bonding over what makes us catch “the ick” has become more popular than discussing what turns us on — and it’s not just because thirsting openly on main has gone too mainstream (we get it, Glen Powell is a universal heartthrob, and so is Janelle Monae; you’re not special), but because they’re so peculiar and precise.
I find oddly specific turn-ons equally as fascinating. Sure, here at Unbothered we’ve been known to derail a meeting with a rant on how hot Michael B. Jordan is (it’s me, I am “we”), but the conversations that really take us off track are the ones about how our real turn-on is the scene in Creed when Adonis takes out Bianca’s braids (again, it’s me, I am “our”). So you understand the assignment: we’re showcasing the unconventional things and/or people who match our freak (thank you, Tinashe!). We’re trying to find the unspoken objects (sometimes, literal objects) of thirst that may be niche or singular to our own needs. Someone’s Damson Idris might be someone else’s Seth Rogen (and vice versa; have you seen Seth lately? Points were made!).
Joined by our guest editors, Hunter Harris and Peyton Dix, in celebration of Unbothered’s second annual Thirst Week, the team has gathered together to pick the people (or things) that are turning us on. We’re not just thirsting after nice abs or a chiselled jaw anymore. Do they have good credit? A bedframe? An ability to spell words without autocorrect? Team Unbothered is looking for someone to match our freak. Here’s a roadmap of thirst to get started.
What makes me horny: Men who encourage my yapping…
“Listen, I’m a yapper. Certified. I will talk someone’s ear off about anything and everything, if they let me. Typically, men love to talk over women, and many don’t actually want to hear what we have to say. So, I absolutely LOVE when a man not only lets me yap at length, but encourages it. I love me a “tell me more” kinda man. If he lets me yap, I’m thirsting, real bad! Baby, should I call the car now or you got it?!”
• Women bass players
• Elite taste in music
• Dancing (well) at parties
• A man willing to help take out my braids
— Christa Eduafo, Social Content Strategist
What makes me horny: Not posting
“Men should be seen and not heard and under no circumstances should they be read. Social media is for women gassing each other up in the comments and the occasional joke about how Osama Bin Laden should’ve been a hooper. None of these platforms requires a man to … what exactly … start a sentence that will include the phrase “b2b?” God forbid I see your opinion about women business. The sexiest thing a man can do is stay silent. Express yourself in likes. Retweet a sensible political opinion and move along.”
• Austin Butler’s voice
• Young Mazino’s everything
• My boyfriend’s cologne that I’m famously gatekeeping
• The new Dyson wet vac (sexier than the vacuum itself is if Dyson gifted me one)
– Hunter Harris, Thirst Week Guest Editor
What makes me horny: Marcus from The Bear‘s beanie
“I know the appeal of The Bear’s Marcus (played by former Odd Future member Lionel Boyce) isn’t weird or niche. Everyone loves Marcus! But the way I love him and why is special. I love Marcus’ little green (sometimes red?) beanie. The man shouldn’t be able to wear that beanie in a kitchen. It’s unsanitary! I don’t care, I want it (and him) on my head. I love Marcus’s soft spoken, hyper-fixation on pastries. I mean, think about what else he could concentrate that hard on! I love how excited he got to go to Copenhagen. I love that the beanie also made it to Copenhagen. I love how hot he looked in that beanie in Copenhagen. Will Poulter who? I love that while psycho SydCarmy shippers are waiting for something to happen that never will, I’m over here knowing that Marcus and Sydney are endgame. I love how much he loved his mom. I love that he seems like a big ol’ teddy bear I want to climb. OK, so I love Marcus for all the same reasons everyone else does. Let me be a basic horny bitch in peace.”
• Nice hands
• Participating in my delusion
• Can make a fire
• A man in a musical (preferably Zac Efron, will also accept Taye Diggs)
• Good at trivia
• Megan Thee Stallion in cosplay
– Kathleen Newman-Bremang, Deputy Director, Global
What makes me horny: TSA Precheck (+ efficient flying culture)
“For the record, I have Clear because I like to play the victim and I probably have a shame kink. But there’s nothing sexier than someone seamlessly getting through TSA. Amex Lounge is a love language. The word skymiles is a sext. Don’t even get me started on some real freak nasty shit…. Global Entry.”
• Manny Jacinto’s jawline
• The NY Liberty mascot, Ellie Thee Elephant
• Good handwriting (bonus points for cursive)
• This one barista that works at Corto in Bedstuy
– Peyton Dix, Thirst Week Guest Editor
What makes me horny: A “Piss-taker”
“Oh, I love me a quick-witted little piss-taker. Don’t worry, we’re not getting that kinky. Where I’m from in the UK, we like to “take the piss” where we mock each other relentlessly and generally don’t take shit seriously (not to be confused with peeing). I’m not talking mean insults (I draw a line), just a flirtatious and playful tete-a-tete, where we call each other “silly cow” and “daft bugger” and then snog. OK, granted, UK love languages are strange but to me, it’s so hot. Funnily enough, we HATE piss-takers who make us look like an idiot (eg: “oi bruv, are you taking the piss?!”). Nothing makes me hotter than a cheeky-chap who knows not to stand for nonsense but also has a razor-sharp, kinda naughty, British sense of humour (sarcastic, cusses like a sailor, great comedic timing). Some may call it having “banter”, I call it foreplay…”
• Strong eyebrows (mono-brows welcome)
• Gym musk
• Big spenders
• A cheeky wink
– L’Oréal Blackett, UK Editor
What makes me horny: Sleep
“Now I don’t mean someone who just wants to sleep (with me – see what I did there?). I mean I’m thirsting over SLEEP, the concept. As in, I take thee sleep as my life partner. Because when you really think about it: sleep is sexy, sleep keeps me motivated, and I think about her all the time. I would do a hard launch on Instagram with her and I would stop hanging out with friends for her. That’s how thirsty I am. She’s a cruel mistress because she never gives me enough of her, but damn if I don’t keep coming back for more every night.”
• Gives Good Text
• A nice clean fitted hat
• Fast braiders
• Lauren London (duh. End of list. No explanation needed)
– Chelsea Sanders, VP
What makes me horny: A spiritual person
“I’m not saying you have to go to church every week but if we can pray together and you’re out here praying for me, just take my last name now! I love a man who loves God more than anything. It shows discipline, maturity, and great value.”
• Goes to therapy
• Has a beard that connects
• A Dyson vacuum (so I know you’re serious about cleaning)
• A clean pair of Air Force 1s
• A good R&B playlist
– Sandy Pierre, Branded Execution Manager
What makes me horny: Supporting my Real Housewives obsession
“I am a faithful Housewives fan of several franchises. I regard new episodes as my Super Bowl every week, which is why I need my partner to take watch nights as seriously as I do. From reciting iconic taglines to discussing pivotal shady moments in real-time, my partner has to be as committed to the reality series as I am. ”
• Tattoos
• Sylvester Powell from All American: Homecoming
• Good handwriting (Love letters, random messages on sticky notes, and personalized cards are my love language.)
– Giana Levy, Contributing Writer
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