Getting your first period is one of those moments in life that sticks with you forever — whether it was good or bad. Not to sound like an after-school special here but menstruation kick-starts a brand-new era of life; one of new discoveries, changing emotions and growth, both physically and emotionally. It’s a rite of passage for most women and people with uteruses but it also often comes loaded with stigma, shame and embarrassment, especially in those first vulnerable moments. But a first period can also be a positive experience that can shape how we view our changing bodies and learn to live with our menstrual cycles. It’s entirely possible to work on and embrace your constantly changing body into adulthood, and it’s even more possible to pass along that ethos and knowledge to generations to come.
According to a study published in JAMA Network Open, more children are starting to menstruate before the age of 9, which is often earlier than puberty education begins in schools, meaning that being prepared, ready and affirmed at an early age is more important than ever before. The menstrual cycle plays a role in almost every aspect of our lives, and someone’s first period experience can have a lasting impact on the way they interact with and even speak about their body for the rest of their life. If an experience loaded with shame can stifle us, a positive one can set us free.
These significant life moments that we have in our bodies help to frame how we identify ourselves in the world, says Morgan Miller, founder of Soft Corner Midwifery and co-author of The Cycle Book. “Your body is suddenly speaking a new language, and there’s a new familiarity that a person has to find with their new sense of day-to-day normal,” she tells Refinery29. “For that to feel positive is an absolute game-changer in how people continue to grow and evolve as human beings and how they see themselves in the world.”
Entering into this era of life in a shameless and affirming way has incredibly positive outcomes, says Laura Federico, LCSW, psychotherapist and co-author of The Cycle Book. This kind of acceptance helps us to be in tune with our bodies, meaning we’re more likely to connect dots, notice patterns and identify what’s happening for ourselves both physically and emotionally. (Of course, we’re able to learn these skills throughout our lives without having a good first period experience.)
“Having a good [first] experience is a true gift because that means there’s less emotional work that you have to do down the line. Maybe you received really positive messages around your body, maybe you were given a great education around what the menstrual cycle is and how to take care of yourself, and that is huge,” Federico tells Refinery29. “That is a way to be able to step into your own bodily experience with confidence and comfort and a sense of care for yourself.”
Here, five women open up to Refinery29 about having a “good” first period — as they define it — and how it’s helped to shape their lives.
Interviews have been condensed and edited for clarity.
Age: 27
Location: Tempe, Arizona
Pronouns: She/her
How old were you when you got your first period?
I got my period when I was 12, during the summer after 5th grade.
Tell us everything about your experience! What made it a good one?
My experience was great for me and slightly traumatising for my dad, who had been staying at home with me and my younger sister since I was 9. I got my period on a weekday and I remember coming out of the bathroom saying, “I think I have my period!” super enthusiastically to my dad. I remember him being calm and reminding me that I had “stuff” from school that I had gotten during our sex education class, so I ran to find my period kit. For the rest of the day I kept asking my dad if I should change my pad because I was just so excited. He did his best and was super supportive, but I’m sure he was calling my mum like, “What do I do?”
My memory of getting it for the first time was extremely positive and something that I wish everyone got to feel. There was no embarrassment and there wasn’t any shame, it was just the fun of growing up.
Did you feel prepared by the education you received in school? What about from your parents/guardians?
I felt very prepared. I remember so distinctly the sex education class we had at the end of the year in 5th grade where they divided the girls and boys. They talked us through our period, what it would be, and what to expect. A few of my friends already had theirs and that class was the first time they told us.
I remember getting to middle school and being confused why there were no period products in the bathrooms because over the summer I’d begun to notice the little machines in public restrooms. There was then a level of education for me that I now had to start carrying products with me and that, outside of my home, I would likely conceal my pads as I ran to the bathroom.
How did your parent/guardian’s response make you feel?
My parents made me feel like this was normal. I felt really supported in a way that made it feel like a big deal but also not, all at the same time. They made me feel prepared and like I knew what I was doing.
Looking back, do you think your experience has had an effect on the way you view your period now?
Fortunately, I still get to view my period as I did as a kid: special, but not something to hide away from.
How have you carried that experience with you into adulthood?
A lot of passions I have today stemmed from my experience with my first period. I donate and advocate for Go With The Flow Arizona. They work to supply period kits to schools and members of the community that need them. Having that first period kit and always having access to period products without shame was huge for me as a kid and also now as an adult. I ended up doing a period photo project in college to mitigate shame.
Age: 30
Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Pronouns: She/her
How old were you when you got your first period?
I was 13.
Tell us everything about your experience! What made it a good one?
Thankfully it happened over the summer break from school, so I was home at the time. I remember being surprised by it happening so soon. My mum had always told me most of the women in her family got it later in life, and she didn’t start her period until she was 16. I think I was also a little excited about it because my mum didn’t make it seem like a scary or negative thing, more like a transition into the next phase of life.
Did you feel prepared by the education you received in school? What about from your parents/guardians?
I think health education in school was sufficient enough in preparing me for what to expect, but really it was my mum that made me less anxious and uneducated about it. My parents have always been pretty open about puberty and developmental things (at an age-appropriate level, of course) so nothing was a shock to me.
How did your parent/guardian’s response make you feel?
My mum was so excited. At the time I felt like it was kind of silly, but looking back I’m really thankful that she made it such a positive experience for me. She ran to the grocery store to get supplies and brought back a chocolate eclair and hugged me saying, “Welcome to womanhood!” I’m the eldest daughter so I think it was also exciting for her to be able to lead one of her children through that for the first time. Sure it was a bit extra, but I remember it so vividly because she turned it into a positive memory.
Looking back, do you think your experience has had an effect on the way you view your period now?
Yes, I would say so. Although I do have PCOS and my periods are generally awful, I think I still do carry the idea that it’s a unique experience of being a woman and that it implies how special that can be — even when it’s annoying or uncomfortable.
How have you carried that experience with you into adulthood?
I’m a woo-woo ass bitch now, so I view my period with more of a “divine feminine” kind of attitude. I think that the connection our menstrual cycles have with the cosmos (again, woo woo) allows women such a cool relationship to the universe and the cycle of life and spirituality. But I will say that if my mum hadn’t helped make the experience of getting my first period so special and exciting, I might have more of a negative perspective of it now, so I’m thankful for that.
Age: 24
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Pronouns: She/her
How old were you when you got your first period?
Twelve.
Tell us everything about your experience! What made it a good one?
I was home alone with my mum before leaving for school. I called for my mum from the bathroom, and she rushed over to tell me what to do next — she was definitely giddy and happy about it. I was a shy kid so I felt some embarrassment, but I was so glad that I caught it at home with my mum and not at school. I didn’t have to worry about what my sister or dad would think or having to take a long walk to the nurse’s office.
Did you feel prepared by the education you received in school? What about from your parents/guardians?
I got most of my period education from school. I wasn’t so open about the awkwardness of becoming a tween with my parents, so we didn’t talk much about it. Also, I grew up in a Hispanic household where my mum took on the role of guiding me through “girl things” while my dad took a serious back seat. But even so, the at-home period prep was pretty slim up until I got it.
How did your parent/guardian’s response make you feel?
Even though I was supported by my parents, I couldn’t even bear to say the word “period” in front of them! I was so awkward. My parents didn’t outright make me feel uncomfortable about my period, but perhaps the lack of open dialogue about it made me feel weird.
Looking back, do you think your experience has had an effect on the way you view your period now?
I think my first period experience and the first few years of having a period influenced the way that I view it now. I think that the older I get, the more comfortable I become with the completely natural parts of being a woman. It has been a slow growth for me, but I am proud of it! And to this day, I’m still learning best period practices from my friends (lol).
How have you carried that experience with you into adulthood?
My first period experience felt taboo, in a way. But at the same time, it showed me that I can always lean on my mum and rely on her support no matter how uncomfortable I might feel about something. I’m happy to have grown from the experience.
Age: 28
Location: New York
Pronouns: She/her
How old were you when you got your first period?
I was 12 years old when I got my first period.
Tell us everything about your experience! What made it a good one?
I remember feeling so emotional and confused why I was feeling that way. I had such bad cramps and my head hurt. It was summer and I was going to a family party for 4th July — I planned on wearing white shorts and everything! That morning, I remember looking at my underwear and was so confused what the splotchy brown spots were. I was raised in a very open family (both of my parents worked in the healthcare industry), so much so that I showed my dad my underwear to make sure it was in fact my period and not an accident. After that, my dad took me to the nearest pharmacy and got me the tampons/pads. He wanted to ask for help, but I was so embarrassed I didn’t want him to. We both were not well versed in period products, but we got through it! I’m so fortunate that my dad was supportive and contributed to a positive first period.
Did you feel prepared by the education you received in school? What about from your parents/guardians?
I felt prepared by the education I received in addition to what my parents told me and the books and resources they purchased for me. I also asked a lot of questions as a child, so my curiosity prepared me. I also found support through my friends who were either new to getting their period or had gotten it before me.
How did your parent/guardian’s response make you feel?
I felt so supported and thankful for my dad. To this day, we still laugh about the fact that I was embarrassed to ask for help at the pharmacy, but not at all embarrassed that I showed him my underwear.
Looking back, do you think your experience has had an effect on the way you view your period now?
Definitely — I’m such an open person and think it’s so important not to judge, just because you can’t help what’s going on with your body!
How have you carried that experience with you into adulthood?
It’s so important to embrace periods and not feel any shame associated with it. It’s so easy to feel embarrassed, but it’s a way of life. As a future parent or guardian, I will try my hardest to be supportive and foster a non-judgmental environment, just as my dad did.
Age: 28
Location: Buffalo, New York
Pronouns: She/her
How old were you when you got your first period?
Fourteen.
Tell us everything about your experience! What made it a good one?
I remember being at the orthodontist’s office to get my braces tightened. I felt like I was a “late bloomer” since a lot of my friends had already gotten their first period. Once I got mine, I felt a little more grown-up and like I could relate to my friends more! From the start I’ve been pretty lucky to have relatively mild PMS symptoms and a pretty light flow.
Did you feel prepared by the education you received in school? What about from your parents/guardians?
I went to Catholic school my whole life, so my education was very heavily based on religious beliefs and related to family planning. I wasn’t always comfortable asking questions at school. I think looking back that I felt a lot more supported at home — I have two sisters, and my mum was pretty open about different things we would experience as we got older. And I always felt like I could talk to my friends.
How did your parent/guardian’s response make you feel?
My mum was very receptive to any questions I had, so I felt pretty comfortable making my own decisions on anything to do with my body and lifestyle. She got my sisters and I The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls from the American Girl doll store and that helped me because I could show her things that I was confused about. Just having a resource to read as I needed to was very comfortable for me!
Looking back, do you think your experience has had an effect on the way you view your period now?
I think since my first one was pretty uneventful, and most of my friends had already experienced it, it was less scary or overwhelming. I’ve been lucky that I have pretty mild PMS symptoms too, so having a period has rarely been a negative experience. I also had an IUD for six years and have had my current one for the past year, so I think that has impacted my period and related symptoms.
How have you carried that experience with you into adulthood
I feel totally comfortable discussing it with friends and family, probably because it’s never really felt like that big of a deal to me. Even though I was raised in a religious school environment, my friends and I were pretty open with each other about all topics, and I think that has totally translated to how open I am as an adult. Periods don’t have to be a scary or taboo topic, they’re just a part of life!
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