This week: “I’m 36 years old and live in Cornwall with my husband and cat. I work remotely for a large charity based in London, where I lived for a few years pre-pandemic. I’m lucky to have the type of role that can be done from home, which enabled me to move back here and keep my job. My husband and I are both from Cornwall and recently purchased our first home together, made possible by having a London salary, which was crucial with the high mortgage rates and competitive market here. While I have worked full-time since I was 16, I never expected to have a well-paying job/career as Cornwall wages are some of the lowest in the country and it’s hard to find a stable career outside of hospitality and retail. Moving to London meant I got my foot in the door at an NGO and I have worked my way up over the last five or six years to a decent salary.
My dad passed away after a short illness 10 years ago and left us an unexpectedly large sum in the way of a life insurance policy and shares in his company. It has completely transformed my life and given me more freedom and financial stability than I’ve ever known, which I still find hard to get used to. After a lifetime of financial scarcity and hardship, I know it was one of his greatest wishes to see us secure, but that was unfortunately only possible in death. It’s been a process to feel okay about spending money on myself and not counting every penny, and I feel I mostly channel it into things that make me feel good (time with friends, exploring new places, rest and relaxation). Recently it’s all been going on DIY and house stuff so I must try and find a balance with those extra outgoings.”
Occupation: Business analyst
Industry: NGO/third sector
Age: 36
Location: Cornwall
Salary £46,150
Paycheque amount: £2,924
Number of housemates: One husband plus one cat.
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £550 for my half of the mortgage.
Loan payments: £0
Savings? £15,000 in investments and £24,000 in premium bonds.
Pension? I have a workplace pension, which comes out via salary sacrifice. I contribute 5% and my employer contributes 10%.
Utilities: £1,050 into our joint account each month to cover all bills/mortgage/food.
All other monthly payments: £50 phone, £20 charitable donations, £22 dental plan, £80 gym, £120 personal trainer. Subscriptions: £11.99 Spotify.
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
No, I dropped out of college to work — a mix of uncertainty about what I wanted to do, social anxiety/depression and wanting to earn.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
We NEVER spoke about money. My parents owned their own restaurant and worked very hard, long days. We never went without (nice house, pets, clothes, holidays) but now I look back I realise there was a lot of debt, stress and bad spending habits that meant we probably weren’t as stable as we seemed. When my parents split, they had to sell the house and the business and my dad declared bankruptcy. We moved often for a few years and money was nonexistent, to the point where we sometimes didn’t have dinner money at school, and there was never any extra for pocket money etc. I know my dad hated the situation he/we were in and he always did his best to make us feel secure, keep a roof over our heads and give us extra when he could, but financial anxiety is embedded in my sister and me, even though we are more secure now than most people we know.
If you have, when did you move out of your parents’/guardians’ house?
I moved to Brighton briefly when I was 17/18 but I’d say I fully moved out at 24 after a few years of living with my mum/dad/partner/travelling. This was only due to my stepdad having a space above his business that I could rent super cheaply.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
When I left college to work full-time at 16. While I didn’t pay rent and bills, I paid for everything else (food, travel, clothes, phone). When I left to travel for a year at 23, I had no idea where I was coming back to as we didn’t have a family home as such. I felt truly untethered in that moment but also very free.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked at the cinema from the age of 15. My dad actually went in and got the job for me — I think he was desperate to get me out the house and overcoming my anxiety, and wanted me to have some money that I could spend on doing things with friends.
Do you worry about money now?
All the time. I worry about losing everything on a daily basis. I check my account constantly. I think of ways I can side hustle and earn more (thanks, Vinted). I feel guilty about spending money on myself yet sometimes I will almost binge-spend, like I’ve gone so long without that I lose control and buy/book everything at once. I know we’re very secure and don’t live beyond our means, and I don’t deprive myself of things that make me feel good like gym memberships and beauty treatments. But it’s really ingrained in me what it’s like to have nothing and how careful I need to be. I worry about having a child soon and them feeling any sense of the financial worry I did growing up. I know its 99% irrational as we have good incomes, savings and assets, and I remind myself how lucky I am every day, but I can’t undo the experience I had for most of my life.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
As mentioned previously, I inherited a lump sum from my dad 10 years ago when he passed away, and another small amount after my grandad passed away the same year. I never even thought about inheritance as my family were not well off, my parents didn’t own any property and I just never thought anything would happen to them so young. It took me a long time to do anything with it and really accept what had happened. There’s no way our London move (which kickstarted my career/allowed my husband to do his master’s/enabled me to secure a good salary) and house purchase (mortgage rates were crazy and property in Cornwall hard to get) would have happened without it. We’ve both improved our futures massively because of it and I know that’s what my dad wanted.
7:30 a.m. — The best thing I’ve invested in is a class pass for a local studio. I feel so much better starting my day with Pilates. I’m not a morning person at all so it’s been a challenge but a real-life changer. I pay monthly so no cost today and I skip the post-class coffee as I have to get back for work.
9 a.m. — Working remotely saves me so much money on food. I make a coffee and a smoothie then start work for the day.
5 p.m. — Around 4-6 p.m. is the danger zone for me as I finish work and my husband isn’t home for a few more hours. I go for a walk (temptation to stop at Lidl) or I see a friend (temptation for food and drinks) or I browse online (ALL the temptation). Today I end up booking a facial as I’ve been meaning to for ages and the algorithm helpfully reminds me, £60.
10 p.m. —We’re trying to get back into reading before bed/not staring at a screen all night. I finish the last two chapters of my book (Landlines by Raynor Winn) and fall asleep easier than I have in weeks.
Total: £60
7:15 a.m. — I’ve seen a personal trainer on and off since I was 20 but for the last three years it’s been a non-negotiable for my mental and physical health. I need someone to keep me accountable and I love routine! This morning I narrowly miss getting a ticket as we parked on double yellow lines overnight. I spot the warden outside and run out barefoot to move the car a few streets over — pre-session stress/cardio but it saves me £70!
12 p.m. — I’m expected to visit the office three or four times a year and as we are a charity, I cover the cost myself. I find train tickets for £48, which is super cheap for travel, and I’ll be up near London anyway for a weekend away so I just have to buy a one-way ticket home. It’s a horribly early train but it is worth it to save the money, as it means more budget for tasty food in London. I’d say each trip costs me £500-600 if I scrimp and only spend three nights there.
4:30 p.m. — As I’m working out more and have always had tight hamstrings/hip flexors, I’ve realised I need to start looking after my body so I’ve planned to have a monthly deep tissue massage. Today’s massage is my first in years and it feels sore but amazing afterwards, £43.
8 p.m. — I am so exhausted; I can’t wait to go to sleep. Early morning + massage + PMS has wiped me out. I’m in bed by 9 p.m.
Total: £91
8 a.m. — My husband is working from home as he’s unwell, which means I sleep in a bit longer than normal (he usually brings me tea at 7 a.m. before he goes) so I make us both a coffee and start work. I stay upstairs as much as possible, as I’ve just recovered from a cold and really don’t want a stomach bug now!
12:30 p.m. — I get my nails done every three or four weeks. I never used to bother with things like this as it felt self-indulgent but my sister treated me a few years ago and now I’m hooked. I definitely see the value in spending money on treatments now I know how good they make me feel. Head to the nail shop, £35.
2 p.m. — I walk to a local bakery to collect our pre-ordered (and pre-paid) treats. I walk home feeling like a main character with my fresh bread, pastry and flowers.
4 p.m. — It’s miserable outside but I’ve sold a few things on Vinted (+ £88, thanks!) so I walk to the lockers to post them. It feels good to get outside again despite the rain, as we’ve been in each other’s pockets all day. I can’t resist Lidl and buy a load of bakery stuff and chocolate to cheer us both up on the way back, £11.
10 p.m. — Sleep.
Total: £46
7:30 a.m. — Another epic start to the day, fighting for my life with period pain, bad sleep and intense exercise. I look around my class to see if everyone else is dying too but they’re all smashing it. I feel so good after though and treat myself to a smoothie, £5.
11 a.m. — I’m going on holiday! My friend has sorted the hotel so I ping her the money straightaway, £275. It’s her 40th and we’ve not seen each other for years so we are heading to Spain! We met on a travel forum about 12 years ago and after confirming neither of us was a psychopath, spent a year backpacking round the world together. She’s so easy to plan with and up for anything so we’re the perfect adventure buddies.
2 p.m. — I haven’t had a dentist for several years and I’ve finally managed to get one but it’s private. At the end of my visit I feel like my soul has been scraped out of my gums and I’m told I will need to pay £80 for an additional appointment in three months (today’s appointment was inclusive on my plan). It is worth it for health but still gutting when my husband pays about £30 for his NHS dentist.
6 p.m. — Husband is still sick and doesn’t fancy the meal we had planned for tonight. Seems a waste to cook it for myself so I pop to Tesco to get him some medicine and a smoothie, and get myself some pasta, sauce and more chocolate (the cramps are real this month), £12. I don’t bother putting it on the joint account. I often grab the odd extra thing myself as I earn more and want to make sure my husband has the same disposable income/saving capacity as me if possible.
10:15 p.m. — Sleep.
Total: £292
9 a.m. — It’s been such a busy week at work with lots of intense calls, planning and note-taking, on top of feeling a bit rubbish. I’ve never needed a Friday more and welcome a quieter day.
11 a.m. — A huge benefit of WFH is all the flexibility with my hours and time to do little jobs in between work: put a wash on, hang it up, load the dishwasher, sort the recycling…all very fun! This means that by the time I finish work, most of the annoying tasks are also done and we don’t have to spend our evenings/weekends catching up. I come downstairs and my husband has already tidied the kitchen and put a wash on so I make tea and put some laundry away. Naturally I tend to do more as I am here five days a week but it never feels like a burden and we have a good balance.
3 p.m. — Some close friends announce their pregnancy with a scan photo. It’s amazing news for them and while I don’t quite feel ready for a baby, it’s been a discussion for a while that we’d think about trying in the next year… The news makes me feel unexpectedly broody and triggers something hormonal in me that I’ve never experienced before. I wish I had a few years more to think about it but seeing friends going through IVF, miscarriages and difficult pregnancies, I am aware things don’t always work out as you expect. At some point we’ll just have to jump in and get on with it!
6 p.m. — I go to meet a friend from work as it’s her birthday soon and I offered to treat her to dinner. I planned to get drinks at happy hour but she’s late finishing and we don’t quite make it. It costs £32 for a few drinks when it could have been £16, which annoys me, but I’m having a nice time so I don’t really care.
7:30 p.m. — She chooses sushi for dinner as she’s never been and we share a bottle of wine. It comes to £58 and we didn’t eat a lot of it as it turns out she’s not a fan but again, it’s her birthday and she’s happy, so it’s fine!
10 p.m. — My friend wants to keep going but I’m done so I offer her our spare bed and we head home. We chat for a bit, watch my husband play The Last of Us, then leave her on the sofa as she wants to stay up and play PS5/watch TV.
Total: £90
7:30 a.m. — It’s the weekend! We have zero commitments today and the weather is terrible so we’ve planned a slow DIY day. We wanted to sleep in but I hear my friend leave for work and we’re awake so I drink tea in bed and cuddle with the cat.
11 a.m. — We have brunch and start setting up to paint. We’ve been avoiding this next phase of decorating for months but we need to crack on so we agree to do the corridor then stop.
3 p.m. — Painting is taking forever; we both feel crap and have different ideas of how to do it. We’re getting tired and irritable, plus the paint is being walked all over the floor so we call it a day after the first coat. We feel pretty happy with the progress though. WE HATE DIY!
6 p.m. — We were meant to go to a garden party at my family’s house but it’s raining so it’s called off. I’m not sad about it! Shattered and ready to chill.
7:30 p.m. — We make dinner, grab snacks and slob out on the sofa for the night.
11 p.m. — Sleep.
Total: £0
8 a.m. — Up early (for a weekend) again as my husband leaves to play golf at 7 a.m. and I don’t fall back to sleep. I think about working out, then change my mind.
10 a.m. — I decide to go into the attic room and sort through some boxes. We moved in February but progress has been slow with decorating, buying furniture, sorting things… There’s no rush but I have a burst of motivation and clear out a few boxes for charity/Vinted.
12 p.m. — It’s a beautiful day and we’ve planned to meet friends to walk to a local restaurant which is hosting a pop-up event. It’s very busy so we smash our food and walk to get ice cream. It goes on the joint, which we both pay into at the start of the month so I don’t track the spend. I know that may seem like a weird mentality but when the monthly standing order comes out, I see that as the payment and rely on my husband to flag if we’ve gone too hard on spending. I don’t enjoy maths, spreadsheets, budgeting etc. and it’s been amazing for my money anxiety to just pay the lump sum (rather than track each transaction) and trust someone else that we’re okay. He’s very frugal and risk-averse so I know we’re okay if he’s not worried.
2 p.m. — We’re walking back across the seafront and I have one of my regular gratitude moments of feeling so lucky to live here and be near to all our loved ones. There really is no place more magical than Cornwall on a sunny day.
3 p.m. — I’ve been craving pick ‘n’ mix since someone mentioned going to the cinema last week. The cinema never happened so we walk home via a sweetshop and get an epic amount between us, £12. I have such a sweet tooth and once I start, it’s very hard to stop. We go home, eat too much sugar and chill with the cat in the garden.
7 p.m. — Another flurry of sales on Vinted so I pack everything up to post tomorrow. I hate getting rid of stuff but moving house has forced me to look at all my old/untouched clothing that never sees the light of day and it’s been very rewarding, financially and personally, to get rid of things that never really fit or suited me. I put the money aside for holiday spending.
10 p.m. — Back to the reading routine and heading into another week ready for much of the same. Oh, to work a four-day week!
Total: £12
Food & Drink: £130
Clothes & Beauty: £95
Home & Health: £43
Entertainment: £0
Travel: £323
Other: £0
Total: £591
Conclusion
“This seems like a lot for a weekly spend but I tend to book all my big things at once and so it looks a bit scarier than it is. I’m surprised how little I spend actually. There are some one-off big payments in there, like my holiday and my friend’s birthday meal, but week by week I’m realising I spend a lot less than I thought on little treats and more on proper items like training, massages and facials once a month. I’m happy to see it as I never used to let myself indulge in those things. I think I need to relax a bit when it comes to the odd lunch or coffee out — working from home, I should embrace being able to do that and it’s good to get out of the house. I’m a homebody and not into going out in the evenings, unless it’s for food. I don’t spend much on drinking etc. and my day-to-day hobbies are hiking, sea swimming, reading and heading to the beach, which are all free.
It’s been really helpful to reflect on the lump sum payment into the joint account and realise how much happier I’ve been since we’ve started doing this. Knowing each month that all bills, food and extras are pretty much covered means I think a lot less about money. Some of that lump sum also goes into a joint saver for things like house repairs or holidays. I also put £300 into my personal savings each month, though I know this could be more if I planned better. I always have a buffer in my current account and I get a bit weird about going into it, even though it’s all the same money really. I think I’ll start to track my regular spends more (rolling beauty appointments, PT etc.) so I can figure out what I have to spend on small top-ups, random meals, coffees etc. and how much I can comfortably increase my savings by. I really want to find a balance between being sensible and not getting overly obsessive about money, as I’ve worked quite hard to reduce my financial anxiety. I’m also aware we have some big house costs coming up in the next year so my saving will reduce considerably — but that’s what they’re there for and I’m mentally preparing!”
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