This week: “I am a 35-year-old teacher from Hertfordshire. I live with my husband (M), 2-year-old son (J), 3-month-old daughter (D) and our dog (Y). I’m currently on maternity leave for the second time. After freelancing in TV and events post-uni, I realised I wanted to work in an industry that had a longer term impact and was less wasteful in terms of materials, time and mental energy. I spent about a year working in schools before my teacher training to ensure it was the right move. I have worked consistently full-time since. I had my son, J, two years ago and that period of maternity leave made me view money and spending in a different way. I wanted to go back to work full-time as I am not where I want to be in my career yet. I felt a mixture of mum-shaming and pity that I returned to work after seven months. Being surrounded by new mummy friends where everyone could afford to take a year off and was paid at least double my salary was an eye-opener. Although teaching pays a steady wage (just not in maternity leave!), I can’t afford to buy every gadget, expensive experience or holiday going. It also made me see how influenced we all are and the pressure we feel to keep up. It’s taken baby number two to realise how excessive it all can be and the importance of living within your means — something I am striving for!”
Occupation: Teacher
Industry: Education
Age: 35
Location: Hertfordshire
Salary: £48,719
Paycheque amount: £2,950
Number of housemates: Three plus the dog!
Pronouns: She/her
Monthly Expenses
Housing costs: £1,900 mortgage for our three-bedroom house. We got hit with the bad rates.
Loan payments: £200 student loan, £300 car payment.
Savings? After a series of big life events such as our wedding, moving house, a first child and now a second child, my savings feel nonexistent. This is something I want to focus on in the next few years. I have about £1,500 in various pots to see me through this spell of mat leave and a safety net of £1,000, which I’m hoping to not touch.
Pension? I have a pension which is around 10% of my salary. Teacher pensions are said to be the benefit of the job with employers contributing 28%.
Utilities: All shared with partner: £45 water, £15 TV licence, £170 council tax, £175 gas/electric, £80 phone/wi-fi.
All other monthly payments: £1,000 approx. on childcare, £25 phone, £2.99 iCloud storage, £70 car insurance, £16 road tax, £40 teaching union/professional body fees. Subscriptions: £39.99 Symprove, £10.99 Netflix, £16.99 Apple Music.
Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I did a foundation degree and then a bachelor’s degree in design, which I paid for with loans. I will forever be paying this off! I then trained to be a teacher, paying £9,000 with no bursary due to the subject I teach. I lived at home for all of this time to save money. I was the first and only member of my family to go to university so it was a financial first and no one really told me about the employability aspect. It was still a time when the message that ‘any degree will do’ was prominent.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money?
Money was always tight growing up. We never went without but I understand now how hard it must have been and the sacrifices my parents made. I was never taught about money and saving. I’m learning this very late on! It’s something I want to instil early on in my own children for their futures.
If you have, when did you move out of your parents’/guardians’ house?
I stayed at home throughout university and teacher training as a way to save money. I’m a homebody and loved having this as an option, and I’m very grateful for the time I had with my family. I moved out at 25, during my first year of teaching, to live with my now husband. Because of his savings we managed to buy our tiny one-bed house with no garden and four windows. We felt incredibly lucky to be able to do that.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life?
This was probably when I moved out of my parents’ house. Although I paid all my bills and for food while I lived at home, I didn’t have to pay rent, which allowed me to save a lot.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
The Next sale at Christmas when I was 16. I then did this each summer and Christmas for three years.
Do you worry about money now?
Every day. I feel as though my husband and I constantly work. We enjoy working but the hours we put in are not reflected in our bank balances. It’s hard not to compare ourselves to others around us and feel a bit bitter at times. We remind ourselves how lucky we are to have what we have whenever we feel green eyes glowing. Small spending on food and trying to keep up with others seems to be our downfall.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?
I received £1,000 from my nana when she passed. This helped set us up for the birth of our son, buying bits for his arrival with a bit put into savings.
5:30 a.m. — Get woken up by my daughter, D, for a feed. She caught my husband M’s cold and now sounds chesty. Realise my morning will be spent chasing a GP appointment to make sure she’s okay. I forgot how scary colds can be when they’re so little. I doomscroll while I wait for my son, J, to wake up. See that childcare fees are set to rise and internally panic about how we will manage this. We have a fantastic childminder and I’m grateful for everything she does.
8 a.m. — Manage to get a GP appointment. Have a delayed brekky of cereal and commit to baby cuddles while watching Gilmore Girls. It’s on repeat in my life. Feel lazy but remind myself it’s okay and a luxury to enjoy. Next year I’ll regret the guilt when I’m with a bunch of Year 9s on a cold and soggy Monday morning.
11 a.m. — Go to the doctor. Relieved that she’s okay. Head to town for a sanity walk and fresh air before baby yoga. I’m trying to be more mindful this mat leave and do things at a slower pace. Last time I had a different activity each day and it felt overwhelming at times. For someone who lives hour by hour, term by term, going slower each day is harder than it should be.
12 p.m. — Pop to Sainsbury’s for veg, £1.30. Can’t resist a coffee and annoyingly, due to access with a buggy, I have to go to the pricey coffee shop that changes its prices daily. £3.70 for a latte.
12:15 p.m. — Head to baby yoga to be social pre-class as I’m early. Impulse-buy a book that’s in the window at Oxfam on the way, £2.99. Compliment the window-dresser for achieving the goal of getting customers in!
2:30 p.m. — Home from yoga feeling very zen. I feel so much better after this class! She’s booking for 2025 so I sign up before statutory maternity pay hits, £60. Grab a late lunch at home and realise despite my staggering food order, I neglected lunch items. Make a mental note to buy some. I feel sometimes like my attempt to ‘cut costs’ in a food shop just results in more buys throughout the week.
4 p.m. — M heads to work and takes my car to fill up with petrol on the way, £50. I transfer the money from my petrol pot.
5 p.m. — This starts the manic three hours. Pick J up from the childminder, walk back in the rain and get very soggy. Do J’s dinner/bath/ bed. Then tidy the carnage of the last two hours and sit down for our own dinner. M works three evenings a week, which means I’m solo. It’s a lot but I’m finding my routine.
8 p.m. — Light a fire as it’s freezing out and spend time scrolling for family Christmas PJs. Resist the temptation to spend stupid money I don’t have on this tradition. Parental peer pressure again!
10 p.m. — Head to bed after falling asleep in front of TV. Set the game plan for the night of who looks after D and who looks after J. Lights off.
11:30 p.m. — Lights back on as D decides she wants a bottle. Zombie feed and back to bed.
Total: £117.99
6:15 a.m. — By some miracle, everybody has stayed asleep until now. M gets J ready while I sort D. Listen to the rain in bed while feeding D before CBeebies takes over.
7:15 a.m. — M takes J to the childminder. These people are heroes, I don’t know how they do it. I do a quick tidy before sorting breakfast. Having breakfast at this time feels like a luxury as normally I’d be at work by now. Cereal and black tea, done.
8 a.m. — Get a notification about a refund from my Tesco shop. The driver refunded us two items for accepting the order early! £3.49 back in. I’m sure this will head towards a coffee in the near future.
10:30 a.m. — Head out to meet a friend for free cake at M&S. Sit and discuss life for a few hours, £3.75 for coffee. Pop to the shop and get an onion for tea. Impulse-buy some cookies, £3.
2 p.m. — Head home and realise I’ve missed lunch. Find Ryvita to tide me over. Feed D and do admin to resist a nap. Try a Netflix Christmas cheese-fest but have to turn off the movie — I’m happy to watch awful films but this one is next-level. It’s so cold I light a fire.
3:30 p.m. — M and I argue over logistics of him working from home. I don’t think that working from home is good for many people long term, especially when you’re used to working in public sector environments. It’s very isolating from what I’ve seen so far and I’ve certainly seen an increase in moods since he started. Look up the cost of a loft conversion (£60,000!) and dream about getting one for the next few hours.
5 p.m. — The manic routine of J pick-up, dinner and bedtime begins. Wait for someone to pick up a Facebook Marketplace order. Get stood up, which is so frustrating. £25 not gained.
8 p.m. — Sit down and put a fire on. There’s talk of snow!
9 p.m. — Doomscroll as D resists sleep and find a kids’ show for the new year. Book as a family Christmas present, £52. I love having things booked to look forward to. It helps M as he doesn’t do well with spontaneous plans.
10:15 p.m. — Off to bed, keeping everything crossed for a good sleep night from both J and D.
Total: £58.75
6 a.m. — Wake up to find that both kids have slept through. Amazing! I sit in bed with D while M sorts J out. Listen to the carnage from afar. J has breakfast at the childminder’s, which is a huge help. We’ve kept him in his normal childcare while I’m on mat leave so that he has routine and I can bond with D as I did with him. While pregnant I saved for us to be able to do this, which I’m grateful to myself for.
10:15 a.m. — Head to the doctor for my postpartum check. All okay apart from D needs a few follow-ups. Head to the shops after for a coffee/feed and a pre-Crimbo panic mooch. Use my free drink when I see that one coffee comes to over £5. When did that happen? Feel relieved at my pre-mat leave points-hoarding.
11 a.m. — Get carried away in Tesco and end up buying matching Christmas pyjamas as they were on Clubcard price. Feel better that they are a quarter of the price of the ones I was looking at but still have the guilt and annoyance that I’ve bought into this trend. Also pick up some bits for dinner and a toy for J’s Christmas present, £56 total.
2 p.m. — Home, lunch, feed D and put on a cheesy Netflix Christmas film for some background noise. My mums group explodes with news of more Christmas purchases. Feel inadequate for not having the money to buy these things and try to remind myself that we don’t need them/ non-designer versions are just as good.
5 p.m. — Dinner and bedtime routine commences. With M being home today we all eat together. J is in a great mood and wants to read all the books, something I absolutely love. Put him to bed at 7 p.m. and keep everything crossed he has a good sleep.
8 p.m. — Skincare aka wash my face and sit down to watch some easy TV. Start scrolling while feeding D and stumble across a streaming theatre event near Christmas. Feel like this would be a good Christmas present as we did these in lockdown and loved them, £15.
9:30 p.m. — Admit defeat and head up to bed. D conks out and I do too.
Total: £71
2 a.m. — Get woken up by D. Feed and back to bed.
5:45 a.m. — J wakes up and we are serenaded with “The Hokey Cokey”.
6:30 a.m. — Sort J out and feed D. Have a cuppa to start the day. Check emails — I’m resisting all the Black Friday deals.
7:30 a.m. — M takes J to the childminder and then walks the dog. I love being able to do this while I’m off midweek but with M WFH I think he needs to do it for his sanity and fresh air. Take the opportunity to tidy upstairs while D sleeps.
8:30 a.m. — Have cereal, more tea and put my face on for the day. Debate a wardrobe sort-out — I read recently that it helps to sort out a different area each day before Christmas to clear physical and mental space. Decide this is the spot for today! Since having children, I am desperate not to hoard. My parents are hoarders and as they get older I can see how it isn’t safe and also not necessary. Pop some bits on Vinted and cross everything that they sell. Not had much luck recently.
10 a.m. — Head to a garden centre to pick up a few bits that my dad saw for Christmas. He can’t get out much as he’s unwell so when we do go out it’s really special. The garden centre is very Christmassy but gets so busy at the weekend. Get a coffee in the cafe and am baffled by it costing £4.55.
12 p.m. — Head home via Asda and get bread and satsumas, £3.75.
12:30 p.m. — Home for lunch: cheese on toast and a bougie satsuma.
3:45 p.m. — M heads to job number two and I get 15 minutes before D has a moment. She calms down and I call my parents for a catchup. Dad fell again last night and saw a doctor today. I’m relieved they called a doctor as up until this year, avoidance and denial were winning.
5 p.m. — The manic hours start. I collect J and give him dinner. We sing endless songs as he demands more food. Bath and bedtime. D sleeps until the bath and then she wants us to know she is awake.
7:30 p.m. — M gets back and takes D as I put J to bed. Sometimes M gets back early and other times it can be nearer 9 p.m. depending on how busy his clinics are.
8 p.m. — Have soup and watch MasterChef. Fire is on as it’s freezing. D is not settled and requires feeding and rocking. No scrolling tonight.
9:45 p.m. — Up to bed. Seize the opportunity now D is settled and pop her in bed as well as myself.
Total: £8.30
6 a.m. — Make tea and get J and D up. J is going to the in-laws today. They sometimes have him when I’m at work and the childminder is not available. They have seen a class they want to take him to today.
7:30 a.m. — J’s collected by his grandad. He’s excited and is super cute saying goodbye.
8 a.m. — Head out for my haircut (present me regrets past me’s decision to book a super early appointment). It’s about a 40-minute drive. I’ve stayed loyal to my hairdresser since she moved salons. We had kids at the same time and she’s become a friend. M decides to tag along. He’s got a day off, which we both forgot about, and offers to look after D before we do a bit of Christmas shopping.
9 a.m. — Get a coffee for me, my hairdresser and M, £12.10.
10 a.m. — Hair done, £57. I find M being puked on by D. We brush it off and head into town as this is a good Christmas shopping opportunity. We go to a bookshop and get 10 for £10.
12 p.m. — Decide lunch is needed and have a sandwich and coffee, M pays. Head to a brewery shop and buy two beers for M’s Christmas present, £9.50.
12:30 p.m. — Head to in-laws’ to collect J. He’s had a great time. We have a cuppa and then head to the local Christmas fair.
4 p.m. — Get a text from Mum saying my dad is in A&E. Feel overwhelmed and like we’ve just done this — the year started the same way. Feel sad, worried and also a strong sense of not wanting to fall apart. Head up and top up with petrol, £50. My mum does not drive so the hospital visits rely on me or M. It’s exhausting but a non-negotiable.
5:30 p.m. — Get home and wait for updates. Do the bedtime and dinner routine before heading back out. I have no idea what to expect or how long I will be out. M finishes the bedtime routine.
7:30 p.m. — Stop off to get some bits from Tesco for Dad, £22. Decide that I can’t survive on a sandwich so swing by the Golden Arches to get myself and Mum some food. Use some rewards to get Dad something in case he’s hungry. He’s been in A&E since 12 p.m. and has not been given any food, £13.
8:15 p.m. — Get to the hospital to find the parking system has changed. Spend ages sorting the app (just what you need). I don’t know how long I’ll be so put in four hours, £5.15.
9:30 p.m. — Visiting hours are over and we head home. It’s devastating seeing your parent in hospital. Feel guilty leaving him and make plans for pickups and visits tomorrow. Drop Mum home. She warms up a burger and we discuss the situation.
10:30 p.m. — Cry the whole way home and sit and ponder life. Feel worried about the money spent today but also remind myself that life really is too short to worry about these spends. Feel importance of perspective today. Worry about what tomorrow could bring.
Total: £178.75
6 a.m. — Wake up and know that today will be a long day. M is at work this morning but has got J up and dressed, which is a massive help. Have tea and process the day ahead while getting dressed etc.
7 a.m. — M leaves for work and J plays/ watches TV while I sort D. The money for the food shop leaves my account, £65.78.
7:30 a.m. — Start to get breakfast for J. Power cuts off because of the weather. Panic over no bottles having been sterilised and no milk made. Power goes back on, then off again.
10 a.m. — Power comes back on. Phew! Facebook Marketplace person comes to collect the TENS machine, £20 in the pocket. Tesco shop arrives and J helps ferry the stuff to the kitchen. M heads home.
11 a.m. — Head to the hospital via my mum’s to collect her. Pay another £6 for parking. When we get to the hospital Dad’s asleep so I go and get us a coffee, £8.15.
12 p.m. — Spend time at the hospital. The nursing team on the ward are really helpful, which is a relief. Dad then gets moved to a ward that is the complete opposite. Witness a nice bit of mansplaining to a healthcare assistant, which is unprofessional and unnecessary.
2 p.m. — This will be life for a while. Drop Mum back home.
3 p.m. — Head to meet a friend as we booked to see Wicked. Dad insisted I go and the guilt is real. This is the first time I’ve also left D for longer than an hour or two. Not because I felt I couldn’t, just logistically. Feels great to put the world to rights and have a bit of escapism.
4 p.m. — Grab food before the film, £17.50 for my half. Then head to the cinema and accidentally order a large popcorn and drink, £9.15. I will be living off popcorn for a week!
7:45 p.m. — Walk out wanting to book the West End show again (I have seen it a few too many times over the years). Surprised at how much I enjoyed the film but you can’t beat the show. Pay £3 for parking and head home. Reality and guilt seep back in.
8:30 p.m. — Home and back to mum mode. Quick shower before feeding and nappy duties.
10 p.m. — Bedtime. Hope for a good stretch!
Total: £109.58
6 a.m. — M takes J downstairs and I manage to have an extra hour of sleep, which feels like magic.
8 a.m. — Breakfast chaos. We agree to split the day so M does the hospital morning shift and I stay home to ‘rest’ (M’s word), which involves looking after a toddler, a newborn and a dog, and doing a house clean.
12:30 p.m. — M returns and I head out to the hospital. A friend, L, calls and we have a catchup as I make my way to the hospital. A lovely escape and it’s great to hear about her exciting life updates. I pay for parking, £4.80. Dad wants a coffee, which is positive, so I get a cappuccino and a festive latte for me, £8.
4:30 p.m. — Head home to drop Mum off and make it back for dinner. We try to eat with J as much as we can, especially at the weekend.
5:30 p.m. — Finally get back and straight into feeding D. It turns out M’s ‘rest’ wasn’t a rest… I do love a male perspective when it comes to childcare roles sometimes.
8:30 p.m. — Collapse in front of the TV and fall asleep.
9:30 p.m. — Head up to bed. D wakes up and parties for the next two hours. Write my to-do list for the week.
Total: £12.80
Food & Drink: £185.23
Clothes & Beauty: £57
Home & Health: £0
Entertainment: £79.99
Travel: £118.95
Other: £116
Total: £557.17
Conclusion
“I am quite shocked at how expensive this week has been. They feel like little amounts at the time but it is amazing how they mount up. This process has been so useful for the rest of my maternity leave as it’s made me think so much more about all those little spends. I have certainly spent more this week than usual but some of the spends are typical, particularly the food shops. The amount on car parks and petrol this week is more than usual, however essential due to circumstances. It makes me realise that I need to build a buffer for these things. The shows booked are not a usual spend and have added to the amount — Christmas purchasing is a massive downfall each year. Although I saved a small pot this year, I feel it won’t go very far. Food continues to be a massive expense, which I am desperate to cut down as I head towards statutory maternity pay.”
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