Day Three
9am: After a restless night’s sleep, I start work at 9. My new work chair is the worst. My feet don’t touch the floor and my back already aches. I will be so annoyed if I have to send this back. I vow to look online for hacks to make the seat lower. Breakfast is a pod coffee. My stomach was in knots last night after the kidney bean dal so I’m taking it easy this morning…
11am: I take a break for a second coffee and a slice of brown toast with dairy-free butter. I check my emails to see that my energy company is raising a dispute as they need to settle the energy bill from the old tenant. As today is the start of my new tariff with them, I think something must have gone wrong – we settled the old tenant’s bill when I moved in last year. I send them an email to ask for clarification and feel frustrated that nothing seems to run smoothly.
12.30pm: I take a break to cook some lunch after a brainstorming session with my manager. I check my calendar for my next meeting and realise it’s not a webinar. I’d been banking on having my camera off to eat but actually need to participate. I leave lunch – couscous with tinned mixed bean salad and veggie sausages – in the kitchen while I dash on a call. I finally eat about 1.30pm on the actual webinar. This is hour two of five of calls today.
2pm: To stop my legs seizing up, I pace the flat during a webinar. Apparently I do 6,000 steps and lose 228 calories. I’ll take the latter with a pinch of salt but as I’m obsessed with quantifying my life, I’m pleased with a high step count – since WFH that’s often been my daily total.
4pm: My last hour of calls today: therapy. I see a private provider after 10 months of NHS-funded therapy in 2019. I have a real love-hate relationship about being in therapy. Mostly I feel an ongoing sense of guilt about seeing a therapist because I don’t feel like my problems are serious enough to justify their time. I used to self-harm, which I stopped after starting on antidepressants, so part of me also wants to believe I’m fixed now. But I know that the drugs won’t work forever and I really want to stop taking them this year as they’ve had such a negative effect on my sex drive, so therapy it is. We talk about how I can’t budget and how I feel like I’m always worried about money. Ironically, this is mostly because I pay £325 a month for therapy. The session leaves me drained so I finish work early. Something else I feel guilty about. £65 for therapy (pre-paid).
5.20pm: I pop to Tesco, partly to get some more pesto for tea and partly so I can tell A I left the house today. After therapy I need something relaxing so I opt for Harry Potter and a glass of wine in the bath. While I know J.K. is now a total transphobe, the HP fandom was there for me as a teenager figuring out my sexuality. I feel like it would be letting her views win if I stopped supporting the fandom which took her work and queered it. £1.90 for tuna and pesto.
7.15pm: I’m late for my psychoanalytic theory class! After a quick dinner of pesto gnocchi with tuna (and ice cream for dessert) I sign in for the session. Turns out I’m too late to watch the whole thing (an hour) before our group starts at 8pm. All classes are pre-recorded with a discussion group afterwards. I signed up last year when I was considering becoming a therapist. I’d still love to work in the psychology field but being in therapy right now means I don’t want to take on more emotional labour. Hopefully my classmates will have watched more than me.
While watching I check Nationwide, Monzo, my emails, Facebook and my calorie counter (again). Apple has taken £3.99 for my calorie counting app monthly payment today from Nationwide and I have no new notifications on socials. In Monzo I notice that my monthly budget is lower than the money I have in pots. Success! I update my budget, which tells me I have £20 more than planned. A small amount but every little helps. £3.99 calorie counter.
9pm: Lecture and class are finished. I’ve been a terrible student and spent the class off camera texting A. I’m worrying about whether I should put the guinea pigs up for adoption but A calls and reminds me that I suggested a one-month trial, which will be up in two weeks, and that there’s nothing wrong with realising that I don’t think I can care for them properly. I decide to stick out the trial period and manage not to cry. Lockdown is taking such a toll on my anxiety and I don’t want to use A as a crutch. We talk about her writing for her MA and plans for our evening tomorrow before hanging up at 9.45pm.
10.30pm: After a combination of pacing, kitchen chores and dancing by myself, my Fitbit tells me I’ve done 10,000 steps. Goal achieved! Kitchen-wise, I do the bare minimum to avoid living in squalor, haha. Mostly this means endless washing up. I’ve been trying to become more eco-friendly since moving here so I use OceanSaver to clean the counters. It’s really cool as it comes in a tiny powdered cube – you just add warm water to create a bottle of cleaning spray!
10.40pm: I check Amazon to see how much it would be to get fleece for the guinea pigs’ cages instead of sawdust. This takes me down a wormhole of online shopping and I end up buying A a personalised candle from Etsy for Valentine’s Day. We didn’t do presents last year but we decided to do a small treat during lockdown. It’s 11.30 by the time I go to bed and I know I’ll be paying for the late night in the morning. £14 candle.
Total: £19.89